mostly OT: pet died/guilt
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
mostly OT: pet died/guilt
I know us AC's are notorious for feeling guilty about everything, even things we can't control.
Recently, after a month long fight, husband and I lost our very much beloved pet Parrot, Pigwidgeon (Pig for short). We did everything we could. My vet called me in tears - she worked half the day on her day off trying to save him.
What surprises me is that I feel no guilt. I am greiving hard, but I don't have any of the 'normal' feelings of "I should have.." or "If only..." None of that. I am at peace with my part in his life.
I suppose that means I'm recovering? I've even tried to make myself feel guilty, but I can't find anything to feel guilty about. And I don't have that "well, there must be some reason it's my fault" feeling either.
I actually wish I could make it be my fault. Then I could at least say "I screwed up and my Piglet is dead and next time I won't do xyz". Instead I'm left with this rotten feeling that life is completely unfair (he was very young) and random and that randomness just kicked my teeth in. I know there's no making sense out of it - I mean, how do you make sense out of randomness? I learned that here, btw. But because it doesn't make sense, it almost makes the grief that much harder.
Just wanted to share - not sure why. No one (not even me) can make the grief pass any more easily. It's complicated by the fact that not many people understand parrots and what type of pets they are. They understand dogs and cats, but have difficulty with birds, as they don't see them as interactive beings. Pig was very much our little ray of sunshine and destruction.
Jeffrey (our older dog) is recovering from surgery to remove what might have been (but weren't thankfully) cancerous lumps on him. He's 13.5. I'm hoping he makes it to 14, but I doubt he'll make it much longer. I'm dreading that I'll have to go through this all over again in half a year or so.
Recently, after a month long fight, husband and I lost our very much beloved pet Parrot, Pigwidgeon (Pig for short). We did everything we could. My vet called me in tears - she worked half the day on her day off trying to save him.
What surprises me is that I feel no guilt. I am greiving hard, but I don't have any of the 'normal' feelings of "I should have.." or "If only..." None of that. I am at peace with my part in his life.
I suppose that means I'm recovering? I've even tried to make myself feel guilty, but I can't find anything to feel guilty about. And I don't have that "well, there must be some reason it's my fault" feeling either.
I actually wish I could make it be my fault. Then I could at least say "I screwed up and my Piglet is dead and next time I won't do xyz". Instead I'm left with this rotten feeling that life is completely unfair (he was very young) and random and that randomness just kicked my teeth in. I know there's no making sense out of it - I mean, how do you make sense out of randomness? I learned that here, btw. But because it doesn't make sense, it almost makes the grief that much harder.
Just wanted to share - not sure why. No one (not even me) can make the grief pass any more easily. It's complicated by the fact that not many people understand parrots and what type of pets they are. They understand dogs and cats, but have difficulty with birds, as they don't see them as interactive beings. Pig was very much our little ray of sunshine and destruction.
Jeffrey (our older dog) is recovering from surgery to remove what might have been (but weren't thankfully) cancerous lumps on him. He's 13.5. I'm hoping he makes it to 14, but I doubt he'll make it much longer. I'm dreading that I'll have to go through this all over again in half a year or so.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Nearby
Posts: 231
(((Ginger)) I'm so sorry for your loss.
We're in the middle of a move and I brought my 13+ year old lab to our new home yesterday for the first time. I'm hoping she'll have a few good months. She's been in the kennel for the last week and is sssooo happy to be back with us.
We're in the middle of a move and I brought my 13+ year old lab to our new home yesterday for the first time. I'm hoping she'll have a few good months. She's been in the kennel for the last week and is sssooo happy to be back with us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Oh Ginger I'm so sorry. I know how much Pig meant to you, have a big 
My ex-wife and I had all kinds of pets, so I know how they become a part of the family. After all, they give us unconditional love in it's purest form.
Yes, life does kick us in the teeth. I think all of us here on SR have experienced plenty of that. You're right, it does make the grief harder, and that's what friends and program and SR is for. So we can all support each other thru the grief. I think it's awesome that you are willing to give so much of yourself to a little critter. If there were more folks like you in the world it would be a paradise.
Mike
My ex-wife and I had all kinds of pets, so I know how they become a part of the family. After all, they give us unconditional love in it's purest form.Yes, life does kick us in the teeth. I think all of us here on SR have experienced plenty of that. You're right, it does make the grief harder, and that's what friends and program and SR is for. So we can all support each other thru the grief. I think it's awesome that you are willing to give so much of yourself to a little critter. If there were more folks like you in the world it would be a paradise.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 689
Hi Ginger,
I've not been on the forums too much in the past week and just saw this. I understand how difficult it is to weather the loss of a pet. They become part of our DNA and day-to-day life, when they're gone, the loss is huge.
I've never had a parrot but I loved the film "The Parrots of Telegraph Hill". I was so moved by this man's relationship to the birds. Not just his relationship, but his understanding, complete acceptance and respect for them as other creatures on the planet. It was very cool.
As for blame and guilt and unfairness -- one of the few things that helps me process painful random events is the sense that we are just a blip in the cosmos and part of a far greater connected scheme. When I see the fleetingness of things, it helps me -- it helps me stop railing and fighting and accept the range of events, and also value things far more at the same time. I don't know if I'm making any sense or not with my words.
best
gf
I've not been on the forums too much in the past week and just saw this. I understand how difficult it is to weather the loss of a pet. They become part of our DNA and day-to-day life, when they're gone, the loss is huge.
I've never had a parrot but I loved the film "The Parrots of Telegraph Hill". I was so moved by this man's relationship to the birds. Not just his relationship, but his understanding, complete acceptance and respect for them as other creatures on the planet. It was very cool.
As for blame and guilt and unfairness -- one of the few things that helps me process painful random events is the sense that we are just a blip in the cosmos and part of a far greater connected scheme. When I see the fleetingness of things, it helps me -- it helps me stop railing and fighting and accept the range of events, and also value things far more at the same time. I don't know if I'm making any sense or not with my words.
best
gf
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Mississauga Ontario
Posts: 296
please be aware that our emotions about grief are suited to the individual.
the feelings will come.
most of the things folks know about grieving,and the stages of grief,arent true,and cause alot of problems.
we all grieve diferantly.our grief is unique to us.
the feelings will come.
most of the things folks know about grieving,and the stages of grief,arent true,and cause alot of problems.
we all grieve diferantly.our grief is unique to us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
I got the necropsy results back yesterday. Pig (the parrot) ...well, he had no immune system to speak of. He died from a systemic infection of aspergillis (common bread mold). Aspergillis generally doesn't infect living tissue - it likes bread. It got into his blood stream, causing clotting. The pathology results showed no immune response (none) to the infection. The best guess is that the breeder was inbreeding for color, and as a result poor little Pig's days were numbered from the day he hatched. We literally did everything we could do, but we can't fight genetic lack of immune response. Even if we'd saved him from this one, he would have had something else come along and kill him.
At least I have no guilt that there was anything I should or shouldn't have done. I'd like to beat the breeder with a clue bat though.
At least I have no guilt that there was anything I should or shouldn't have done. I'd like to beat the breeder with a clue bat though.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
