Dear Dad
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Dear Dad
Dear Dad,
Today has been a rough day, I really needed you. Just to tell me everything was going to be okay, or even to tell me you loved me, or you would be at my house this weekend and we would barbeque. I wanted to tell you what a wonderful Dad you were. I have so much in my life to be blessed with, but deal with the daily emptiness of loosing you. I still needed you in my life DAD. It hurts so bad without you. With so much to be proud of in my life, but don't even have you to share it with. Everytime you went to rehab, I knew you were only going because everyone made you, not because you wanted to stop drinking, now I know you were the only one that could make that decision to stop. Everytime you picked up another glass of Alcohol, you made it look like you were okay with it, and it was not a problem, so I was always scared to confront you about it. And each time I did confront you, you just backed away for a while, I felt like If I continued to confront you, you would never come around. I want you to know I never judged you, I only loved you. Now I guess it didn't matter if I said anything or not, I've lost you forever. Every time I hear a country song I think of you, everytime I go fishing, I know it's you hooking the other end of my line. Everytime Joey goes hunting, I know it's you aiming that gone at the deer. Everytime I have surgery, I know it's you holding my hand, and so much more.
But I want you to know, I was not done needing my Father, you were only 54
A daughter needs her Father a lot longer than I had mine. I love you so much, and life is so much harder without you in it. I had no one to tell any of this to, so I decided to write you this letter on this Forrum in hopes that if there were any other Dad's out there, that are fighting this awful Alcoholism like you did, they will know how there loved ones feel when there gone.
Dad I Miss you more than ever, and there is not a moment in my life that goes by, without thinking of you and wishing you were really here!.
I LOVE YOU DAD
Today has been a rough day, I really needed you. Just to tell me everything was going to be okay, or even to tell me you loved me, or you would be at my house this weekend and we would barbeque. I wanted to tell you what a wonderful Dad you were. I have so much in my life to be blessed with, but deal with the daily emptiness of loosing you. I still needed you in my life DAD. It hurts so bad without you. With so much to be proud of in my life, but don't even have you to share it with. Everytime you went to rehab, I knew you were only going because everyone made you, not because you wanted to stop drinking, now I know you were the only one that could make that decision to stop. Everytime you picked up another glass of Alcohol, you made it look like you were okay with it, and it was not a problem, so I was always scared to confront you about it. And each time I did confront you, you just backed away for a while, I felt like If I continued to confront you, you would never come around. I want you to know I never judged you, I only loved you. Now I guess it didn't matter if I said anything or not, I've lost you forever. Every time I hear a country song I think of you, everytime I go fishing, I know it's you hooking the other end of my line. Everytime Joey goes hunting, I know it's you aiming that gone at the deer. Everytime I have surgery, I know it's you holding my hand, and so much more.
But I want you to know, I was not done needing my Father, you were only 54
A daughter needs her Father a lot longer than I had mine. I love you so much, and life is so much harder without you in it. I had no one to tell any of this to, so I decided to write you this letter on this Forrum in hopes that if there were any other Dad's out there, that are fighting this awful Alcoholism like you did, they will know how there loved ones feel when there gone.
Dad I Miss you more than ever, and there is not a moment in my life that goes by, without thinking of you and wishing you were really here!.
I LOVE YOU DAD
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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Luckyones, I am so touched by your letter I lost my father at age 50 to alcohol. I loved him so much, he was everything to me. I loved to spend time with him drunk or sober. I did confront him but my father would never get treatment. I still remember a man from AA coming to our house and my father removing him physically from the house. The man placing his card on our front porch and telling my dad to call if he ever changed his mind. I remember sitting in the car with my mom in front of Alanon but we would never go in. I ended up following in his footsteps and then adding drugs to the alcohol. I know how much it hurts to lose your father, as I still miss mine almost every day and it has been over 30 years for me. I always feel him with me in my darkest days trying to guide me in the right direction. He made me laugh like no one else could, and had a heart bigger than anyone I have ever know. Keep your good memories of your father, and I am so very sorry for your loss.
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thanks so much, 30 years from now I could see myself feeling the same way I do now. This is the first time I decided to share my thoughts, because I want to pick up the phone or just tell him. I have family but they refuse to talk about it, or even mention how he died, i don't really get it. I was not allowed to share how he died with others, in fear of shame to the family.
I guess I think maybe if we were not all in denial about things, we could help others with our own experiences & losses.
Though he had a disease, it never stopped him from being the Best Dad in the world. He is the only one that really understood me, and excepted me for ME. Laughted at my joke even if it was not funny, helped me up whenever I fell, and loved me not judged me.
Thanks for sharing your story, it helps to know I'm not alone.
I guess I think maybe if we were not all in denial about things, we could help others with our own experiences & losses.
Though he had a disease, it never stopped him from being the Best Dad in the world. He is the only one that really understood me, and excepted me for ME. Laughted at my joke even if it was not funny, helped me up whenever I fell, and loved me not judged me.
Thanks for sharing your story, it helps to know I'm not alone.
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Wow Lucky, that was an awesome letter. It took me a _long_ time before I was able to be that honest with myself about my father. Thanx for sharing that, it helps me remember why I continue to work my own program.
Mike
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they will know how there loved ones feel when there gone.
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Hi Dad,
Here I am Back on this forum again writing you. Today was not as bad as yesterday, each day I never know what to expect with out you here. It just seems like your gone for a little vacation, but will be back soon. Certain things seem to make me sad, but I also have so many wonderful memories with you, that I cherish. Remember when I got real upset with you in Missouri, and you hugged me and said you loved me, and some day I will understand. Well I want you to know I do! I'm sorry it took till you were gone to understand. I think about all you went through, the stress of your job, Mom leaving you, among many other things that contributed to a not so easy life, then dealing with alcoholism. You never burdened us with any of your problems, I know now how you delt with them. And I'm sorry I could not see the writing on the wall, I'm sorry I was not mature enough to say, WoW I really know how your feeling, and lets talk about everything, and get through this TOGETHER!
I want you to know I'm not dissappointed in you for anything. You were more of a father than most kids get in there whole lifetime. I thank God for the time he allowed us to have you, and for all you were. But then I have my selfish days, and ask God why he took you so soon.
I sometimes think I feel your pain, and what it must have been like to be you.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have gone about this all different. I would have confronted you, stood firm, stood beside you, and been your alcohol. I wish someone would have told me, not to be afraid, because if your afraid of loosing him by confronting him, imagine life with out him! Well I don't have to imagine, I miss you every moment of everyday. You are the wind Beneath my wings. I Love U DAD
Here I am Back on this forum again writing you. Today was not as bad as yesterday, each day I never know what to expect with out you here. It just seems like your gone for a little vacation, but will be back soon. Certain things seem to make me sad, but I also have so many wonderful memories with you, that I cherish. Remember when I got real upset with you in Missouri, and you hugged me and said you loved me, and some day I will understand. Well I want you to know I do! I'm sorry it took till you were gone to understand. I think about all you went through, the stress of your job, Mom leaving you, among many other things that contributed to a not so easy life, then dealing with alcoholism. You never burdened us with any of your problems, I know now how you delt with them. And I'm sorry I could not see the writing on the wall, I'm sorry I was not mature enough to say, WoW I really know how your feeling, and lets talk about everything, and get through this TOGETHER!
I want you to know I'm not dissappointed in you for anything. You were more of a father than most kids get in there whole lifetime. I thank God for the time he allowed us to have you, and for all you were. But then I have my selfish days, and ask God why he took you so soon.
I sometimes think I feel your pain, and what it must have been like to be you.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have gone about this all different. I would have confronted you, stood firm, stood beside you, and been your alcohol. I wish someone would have told me, not to be afraid, because if your afraid of loosing him by confronting him, imagine life with out him! Well I don't have to imagine, I miss you every moment of everyday. You are the wind Beneath my wings. I Love U DAD
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Awesome Lucky. That's a wonderful letter. That is really wonderful to see how much love you have in your heart. I never had that, and it's inspiring to see somebody who does.
Mike
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Hi Dad,
I wish you were here to celebrate Kori's Birthday today! It's days like this I really feel you missing, cuz I know u would of at least called. I've kinda publized my letters to you, in hopes that anyone that maybe struggleing with this awful disease as you did, will know what there child might write to them if they were gone. Do you know what I thought about today when Kori was opening her presents? I realized you had never bought us anything. And it never phased us at all. You made us work for everything. But when I say you never bought us anything, I mean material items. Now I know what they mean about some phrase Memories last a lifetime. Which you gave us so many memories with the quality of time you spent with us. There was never a day if we weren't camping, fishing, hunting, we were playing some kind of board game or cooking. So thank you for never spoiling us with the material things, and thank you for so much quality time which I will hold forever.
I know so many people do not get the opportunity to have the quality of life I had with you Dad, especially under the circumstances, So that's when I realize there is GOD. Though I cry almost everyday silently about you, I know my life could be worse without the wonderful memories to hold.
Well, it's getting late, I better head off to bed, I'm coming to see you Saturday, don't worry I won't bring flowers, just some balloons. I love you & miss you so much.
I wish you were here to celebrate Kori's Birthday today! It's days like this I really feel you missing, cuz I know u would of at least called. I've kinda publized my letters to you, in hopes that anyone that maybe struggleing with this awful disease as you did, will know what there child might write to them if they were gone. Do you know what I thought about today when Kori was opening her presents? I realized you had never bought us anything. And it never phased us at all. You made us work for everything. But when I say you never bought us anything, I mean material items. Now I know what they mean about some phrase Memories last a lifetime. Which you gave us so many memories with the quality of time you spent with us. There was never a day if we weren't camping, fishing, hunting, we were playing some kind of board game or cooking. So thank you for never spoiling us with the material things, and thank you for so much quality time which I will hold forever.
I know so many people do not get the opportunity to have the quality of life I had with you Dad, especially under the circumstances, So that's when I realize there is GOD. Though I cry almost everyday silently about you, I know my life could be worse without the wonderful memories to hold.
Well, it's getting late, I better head off to bed, I'm coming to see you Saturday, don't worry I won't bring flowers, just some balloons. I love you & miss you so much.
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ach, my aching heart. im streaming tears right now, but good healing tears. thankyou so much for your candid honesty and heartprint upon my heart. this has really moved me. i hope you dont take this as a thread hijack but you have inspired me to add my $0.02 to the thread. i think this letter writing business can be really hearing,,, freudian typo for healing. lol peace and thanks muchly for your posts.
Dear Dad,
I miss you but I no longer need you. I love you still, though now it is in a way that is safe for me and respectful for both of us. I realise now that you are not inherently evil, whatever that means, but tragically ill in body mind and spirit with alcoholism. I blocked out the drinking but I remember being pushed on a swing, being spun around a room, getting one up on the piggy back as you carried me on your shoulders, i remember dancing and singing, going to the park with you and my sister and the admiration in your eyes for us when you were in a good mood, when you were present. that part of you i miss, that part of you that is dead even though your physical self is still alive and walks and talks, so I hear for I havent seen you in years save the framed photos of yourself you send me. i miss the long road trips and meeting fascinating people all over the country, the world! it hurts that you didnt protect me and this is why i cant see you, whether or not you remember, i remember terror, guilt trips and being attacked when it was not all about you. i remember dark nights with tv light, rape in bathrooms, hearing you defile my mother, seeing what no child should see, hearing my sister scream, i remember your eyes when they became demonic and jealous of any attention upon me, hatred for any love or praise i received, i still struggle with your violation of me, when you imposed your free will upon me through rape and violence and confused me to think it was the will of god that i was devalued. still i wonder what sort of life you must have known, knowing that if you had been hurt badly it would somehow make me understand that madness that you were lost in. i miss when i used to tell you i loved you as many miles around the world and you said you loved me much more. i know things still trigger me like the blessed soul who started this thread because my hands tremble now and tears stream hot and fast. and that nausea hits me that i thought id forgot, yet past my rage of past and deep grief is the love i feel for your soul. i pity you, have compassion for you and forgive you on a daily basis so that i may live my own life but that is not to say that i still have a part of me in my heart that misses that guiding support, care and availability of a father's love, trust and respect. of a father's encouragement, to be safe within my own family. that i still miss the man that you never really were, for i think he was lost when you were younger, though still alive, there may be a tree or a rock, or moreso a broken beer bottle or a bruised and rotting piece of fruit i see smashed on the highway and i think of your soul and think i miss you and thank god that i can let you go one day at a time thanks to the help of other souls in this world, who despite everything still have the wondrous courage and capacity to love. i love you and release you and this is why, though you will never understand, i can never see or have contact with you again and why i thank god for the power of healing that is always available to us, even you...and moreso, even me because we all have intrinsic worth as human beings, i believe this is every person's right. find your own salvation through much fear and trembling, i give you completely to god now, god bye
Your son.
Dear Dad,
I miss you but I no longer need you. I love you still, though now it is in a way that is safe for me and respectful for both of us. I realise now that you are not inherently evil, whatever that means, but tragically ill in body mind and spirit with alcoholism. I blocked out the drinking but I remember being pushed on a swing, being spun around a room, getting one up on the piggy back as you carried me on your shoulders, i remember dancing and singing, going to the park with you and my sister and the admiration in your eyes for us when you were in a good mood, when you were present. that part of you i miss, that part of you that is dead even though your physical self is still alive and walks and talks, so I hear for I havent seen you in years save the framed photos of yourself you send me. i miss the long road trips and meeting fascinating people all over the country, the world! it hurts that you didnt protect me and this is why i cant see you, whether or not you remember, i remember terror, guilt trips and being attacked when it was not all about you. i remember dark nights with tv light, rape in bathrooms, hearing you defile my mother, seeing what no child should see, hearing my sister scream, i remember your eyes when they became demonic and jealous of any attention upon me, hatred for any love or praise i received, i still struggle with your violation of me, when you imposed your free will upon me through rape and violence and confused me to think it was the will of god that i was devalued. still i wonder what sort of life you must have known, knowing that if you had been hurt badly it would somehow make me understand that madness that you were lost in. i miss when i used to tell you i loved you as many miles around the world and you said you loved me much more. i know things still trigger me like the blessed soul who started this thread because my hands tremble now and tears stream hot and fast. and that nausea hits me that i thought id forgot, yet past my rage of past and deep grief is the love i feel for your soul. i pity you, have compassion for you and forgive you on a daily basis so that i may live my own life but that is not to say that i still have a part of me in my heart that misses that guiding support, care and availability of a father's love, trust and respect. of a father's encouragement, to be safe within my own family. that i still miss the man that you never really were, for i think he was lost when you were younger, though still alive, there may be a tree or a rock, or moreso a broken beer bottle or a bruised and rotting piece of fruit i see smashed on the highway and i think of your soul and think i miss you and thank god that i can let you go one day at a time thanks to the help of other souls in this world, who despite everything still have the wondrous courage and capacity to love. i love you and release you and this is why, though you will never understand, i can never see or have contact with you again and why i thank god for the power of healing that is always available to us, even you...and moreso, even me because we all have intrinsic worth as human beings, i believe this is every person's right. find your own salvation through much fear and trembling, i give you completely to god now, god bye
Your son.
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thanks again for your letter, it really triggered something deep and emotional in me, whooo, phawwwwww. just much love and heartfelt empathy for you loss and thanks again, you have really really helped me.
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Hi Dad,
We Just Got Home From Vacation, I Took So Many Pics, I Know U Would Of Loved Seeing Them. I Had Adream Last Night You Held My Hand And Told Me U Loved Me, When I Woke Up My Hand Was Stil Clutched Like I Really Held Your Hand. I Watched A Man At The Beach That Looked Just Like U, In Fact Kori Thought It Was U And Went Went Running Toward The Man, I Appoligized, And The Chuckle He Gave Me , Sounded Just Like You. I Cant Figure Out For The Life Of Me, Why My My Daily Life Revolves Around You Being Gone.i Guess Because You Were So Were So Much A Part Of My Life And Meant So Much. Most Kids Have Super Heros But You Were Always Mine. I Know Life Is So Hard Without U In It.,and Yes I Cry Everyday, But God Has A Reason For Taking U So Soon. I Somtimes Wonder If He Wanted To Save Us From More Grief In The Future, If You Never Were Able To Fight The Disease, Who's Know What Could Of Happened, Maybe One Day U Might Of Died Driving Drunk, Or Even Killing Another Family, And There Father Or Never Drank, I Know This Is Really Far Fetched, But It Happenes. Maybe God Wanted To Save U From Your Own Pain. Well Goodnight Daddy I Love U
We Just Got Home From Vacation, I Took So Many Pics, I Know U Would Of Loved Seeing Them. I Had Adream Last Night You Held My Hand And Told Me U Loved Me, When I Woke Up My Hand Was Stil Clutched Like I Really Held Your Hand. I Watched A Man At The Beach That Looked Just Like U, In Fact Kori Thought It Was U And Went Went Running Toward The Man, I Appoligized, And The Chuckle He Gave Me , Sounded Just Like You. I Cant Figure Out For The Life Of Me, Why My My Daily Life Revolves Around You Being Gone.i Guess Because You Were So Were So Much A Part Of My Life And Meant So Much. Most Kids Have Super Heros But You Were Always Mine. I Know Life Is So Hard Without U In It.,and Yes I Cry Everyday, But God Has A Reason For Taking U So Soon. I Somtimes Wonder If He Wanted To Save Us From More Grief In The Future, If You Never Were Able To Fight The Disease, Who's Know What Could Of Happened, Maybe One Day U Might Of Died Driving Drunk, Or Even Killing Another Family, And There Father Or Never Drank, I Know This Is Really Far Fetched, But It Happenes. Maybe God Wanted To Save U From Your Own Pain. Well Goodnight Daddy I Love U
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Goodmorning Dad,
When I Prayed This Morning I Thanked God For The First Time, That In My Life I Was Loved By U. Now That U Can Only Be A Memory, I Still Believe U R The Wind Beneath My Wings. Looking Back On Are Father Daughter Dance, I'm Glad I Didn't Know How It All Would End, At Least I Didn't Miss The Pain Of Knowing, I Only Miss U And Will Hold The Wonderful Memories Forever. Have A Wonderful Day Dad.
I Love U And Miss U
When I Prayed This Morning I Thanked God For The First Time, That In My Life I Was Loved By U. Now That U Can Only Be A Memory, I Still Believe U R The Wind Beneath My Wings. Looking Back On Are Father Daughter Dance, I'm Glad I Didn't Know How It All Would End, At Least I Didn't Miss The Pain Of Knowing, I Only Miss U And Will Hold The Wonderful Memories Forever. Have A Wonderful Day Dad.
I Love U And Miss U
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this thread brought me to tears. it could been written by my stepdaughter.
thank you luckyones for showing me another side of the grief world - i lost my husband almost 1 year ago and it hurts more today than ever!!!
((((luckyones))))
thank you luckyones for showing me another side of the grief world - i lost my husband almost 1 year ago and it hurts more today than ever!!!
((((luckyones))))
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Hi Dad,
Today I'm going to visit your brother & sisters, and we will all sit around and your name won't even come up. How come they won't even talk about you?
Do you know we have never even discussed how you died? I don't understand why everyone is in denial. It seems like I'm in a twilight Zone somtimes when I'm around them, like here was this man that meant everything in the world to me, and now it's like you never even existed. When I mention your name I usually get silence and a stair. I can't for the life of me figure out if it's just hard for them to talk about or they are in denial. I think it would help me except everything if they could at least open up and talk about it. I'm tired of this world with people who act like there life is perfect, and when you get together they will never discuss true life experiences about up & downs. If everyone could be a little more open abou there experiences with addictions or problems, maybe more people could relate and not feel so alone, we could all learn from each other. Isn't life about learning? Aren't we on this earth to make mistakes and learn from them? How can we learn when everyone wants to hide there mistakes?
Don't get me wrong, I love your family so much, they are the next best thing to having you in this world, I just wish they opened up, and let me know it's okay to make mistakes and that they will still except you. I wish you were here, so I could sit next to you today, the presence of you missing is felt by me, I'm still looking around for you. I love U Dad & miss U
Today I'm going to visit your brother & sisters, and we will all sit around and your name won't even come up. How come they won't even talk about you?
Do you know we have never even discussed how you died? I don't understand why everyone is in denial. It seems like I'm in a twilight Zone somtimes when I'm around them, like here was this man that meant everything in the world to me, and now it's like you never even existed. When I mention your name I usually get silence and a stair. I can't for the life of me figure out if it's just hard for them to talk about or they are in denial. I think it would help me except everything if they could at least open up and talk about it. I'm tired of this world with people who act like there life is perfect, and when you get together they will never discuss true life experiences about up & downs. If everyone could be a little more open abou there experiences with addictions or problems, maybe more people could relate and not feel so alone, we could all learn from each other. Isn't life about learning? Aren't we on this earth to make mistakes and learn from them? How can we learn when everyone wants to hide there mistakes?
Don't get me wrong, I love your family so much, they are the next best thing to having you in this world, I just wish they opened up, and let me know it's okay to make mistakes and that they will still except you. I wish you were here, so I could sit next to you today, the presence of you missing is felt by me, I'm still looking around for you. I love U Dad & miss U
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Dear Dad,
Last night we had dinner with your family, and they proved me wrong about my letter I wrote you yesterday. They actually talked about you. They also talked about the ups and downs of life, and there own experiences. I have to say, this was an eye opener for me. For the 1st time ever, it was not remenecing about how perfect life is, I wish you could be with us today, you would probably be able to talk with your own family about issues, and they would understand. I felt your presence even though you were not with us last night, I felt like they also missed you, which made me feel a little bit more normal, about how I feel daily. They shared stories, and thoughts, which you would have loved. Well I just wanted to drop you a note to say I was completely wrong about how I thought dinner would be with your family.
Wish you were here to enjoy the family get togethers. I love you and miss u so much
Last night we had dinner with your family, and they proved me wrong about my letter I wrote you yesterday. They actually talked about you. They also talked about the ups and downs of life, and there own experiences. I have to say, this was an eye opener for me. For the 1st time ever, it was not remenecing about how perfect life is, I wish you could be with us today, you would probably be able to talk with your own family about issues, and they would understand. I felt your presence even though you were not with us last night, I felt like they also missed you, which made me feel a little bit more normal, about how I feel daily. They shared stories, and thoughts, which you would have loved. Well I just wanted to drop you a note to say I was completely wrong about how I thought dinner would be with your family.
Wish you were here to enjoy the family get togethers. I love you and miss u so much
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