Dear Dad
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Dear Dad,
After Visiting You, I Wondered What Other People Think When They Go To Visit. I Wonder What They Think Of The Dash In Between The Day You Were Born To The Day You Left Us. I Hope They Don't Just Think You Were Really Young, Or Spent Your Life Fighting Alcoholism, And Thats Why Your Not With Us Today. That Dash Means The Most To Me. How Even Though You Were Unable To Fight This Horrible Disease, You Were More Of A Parent Than Most Have In Two Parents.that Dash Says So Much To Me, And I Wish Everyone That Went To Visit Could Read More Than The Date, I Wish The Dash Said It All, Because That Is What Mattered Most To Me. The Dash Gave Me A Loving Father, Who Loved Unconditionaly, Was A Friend, Brother, Father, Uncle, Etc. You Were What Most Kids Wish For In Both Parents, But You Were One, And Gave It All. That Dash Says So Much About You, And Though It Breaks My Heart Your Gone, I Also Know I Was So Fortunate To Have Had What I Had When You Were Here. I Wish I Could Feel In The Blank On That Dash When People Read It, It Means More Than Just A Line, It Means The Life You Lived Here On Earth, Which Left Me With So Many Wonderful Memories. I Love You And Miss You Dad
After Visiting You, I Wondered What Other People Think When They Go To Visit. I Wonder What They Think Of The Dash In Between The Day You Were Born To The Day You Left Us. I Hope They Don't Just Think You Were Really Young, Or Spent Your Life Fighting Alcoholism, And Thats Why Your Not With Us Today. That Dash Means The Most To Me. How Even Though You Were Unable To Fight This Horrible Disease, You Were More Of A Parent Than Most Have In Two Parents.that Dash Says So Much To Me, And I Wish Everyone That Went To Visit Could Read More Than The Date, I Wish The Dash Said It All, Because That Is What Mattered Most To Me. The Dash Gave Me A Loving Father, Who Loved Unconditionaly, Was A Friend, Brother, Father, Uncle, Etc. You Were What Most Kids Wish For In Both Parents, But You Were One, And Gave It All. That Dash Says So Much About You, And Though It Breaks My Heart Your Gone, I Also Know I Was So Fortunate To Have Had What I Had When You Were Here. I Wish I Could Feel In The Blank On That Dash When People Read It, It Means More Than Just A Line, It Means The Life You Lived Here On Earth, Which Left Me With So Many Wonderful Memories. I Love You And Miss You Dad
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Dear Dad,
Goodnight. I Wish I Could Call U To Say Goodnight And Come See Miss This Weekend Cuz I Miss U So Much. I Hope If Anything, Other Dads Out There Will Try To Fight The Awful Disease U Always Struggled With "alcoholism." I Hope No Daughter Ever Has To Go Through The Daily Anguish Of Missing Her Dad, Especially One Like U. Maybe Most Kids With Dads That Struggle With This Disease Would Be Okay With Loosing There Dad, Because There Dad Was Not Able To Be Everything They Had Wished For, I Know My Circumstance Is Far Different From Everyone Else I've Ever Encountered, And I Was Blessed With The Most Wonderful Person In The World. Though I Do Have My Days Of Being Selfish Wondering, Could My Life Have Been Any Better Than U Made It With Out That Disease? I Can Only Wonder And Thank God For What He Gave Me. Another Night Of Going To Bed Cryying, Dad! I Love U And I Miss U So Much.
Goodnight. I Wish I Could Call U To Say Goodnight And Come See Miss This Weekend Cuz I Miss U So Much. I Hope If Anything, Other Dads Out There Will Try To Fight The Awful Disease U Always Struggled With "alcoholism." I Hope No Daughter Ever Has To Go Through The Daily Anguish Of Missing Her Dad, Especially One Like U. Maybe Most Kids With Dads That Struggle With This Disease Would Be Okay With Loosing There Dad, Because There Dad Was Not Able To Be Everything They Had Wished For, I Know My Circumstance Is Far Different From Everyone Else I've Ever Encountered, And I Was Blessed With The Most Wonderful Person In The World. Though I Do Have My Days Of Being Selfish Wondering, Could My Life Have Been Any Better Than U Made It With Out That Disease? I Can Only Wonder And Thank God For What He Gave Me. Another Night Of Going To Bed Cryying, Dad! I Love U And I Miss U So Much.
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Hi Dad,
Today Was One Of Those Days I Needed U To Hug Me, And Tell Me To Hang In There. My Disease Is Progressing And I've Pretty Much Lost All The Use In My Right Hand. I Know If You Were Around U Would Be Able To Help Me, And Make Sure I Always Held My Head Up High, And See The Positive Not The Negative. I Realized How Much U Focused On Teaching Us How To Be Confident And Strong, And We Did It Great While U Were Around, But Then When U Left, It Seemed Like I Lost My Security Blanket That Made Me Feel Safe To Be That Way. I Have My Days Like Today Where I Know U Would Not Want Me To Sit Around And Pitty Myself, And I Try For U To Be Strong As I Know That Is What U Taught Me, But It's So Hard. When I Lost U I Lost A Part Of Me. I'm Really Trying To Get Through This, And Not Let Myself Get So Emotional Constantly About U Not Being Here.
Your Life Revolved Around Us When U Were Alive, And Now It Seems My Life Just Revolves Around You Being Gone. How Do I Focus On Going Forward, When I Constantly Have These Set Backs, That You Always Helped Me Up From. I Guess This Is Part Of Loosing A Dad At Such A Young Age, We Still Needed You As Are Father To Help Us Guide Us Through Some Of These Ups And Downs. I Love U And Miss U
Today Was One Of Those Days I Needed U To Hug Me, And Tell Me To Hang In There. My Disease Is Progressing And I've Pretty Much Lost All The Use In My Right Hand. I Know If You Were Around U Would Be Able To Help Me, And Make Sure I Always Held My Head Up High, And See The Positive Not The Negative. I Realized How Much U Focused On Teaching Us How To Be Confident And Strong, And We Did It Great While U Were Around, But Then When U Left, It Seemed Like I Lost My Security Blanket That Made Me Feel Safe To Be That Way. I Have My Days Like Today Where I Know U Would Not Want Me To Sit Around And Pitty Myself, And I Try For U To Be Strong As I Know That Is What U Taught Me, But It's So Hard. When I Lost U I Lost A Part Of Me. I'm Really Trying To Get Through This, And Not Let Myself Get So Emotional Constantly About U Not Being Here.
Your Life Revolved Around Us When U Were Alive, And Now It Seems My Life Just Revolves Around You Being Gone. How Do I Focus On Going Forward, When I Constantly Have These Set Backs, That You Always Helped Me Up From. I Guess This Is Part Of Loosing A Dad At Such A Young Age, We Still Needed You As Are Father To Help Us Guide Us Through Some Of These Ups And Downs. I Love U And Miss U
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Hi Dad,
Here We Are The Night Before My Birthday, What I Would Give To Hear U Say Happy Birthday To Me Again? It The Specialo Days Like This That Hurt Not Having U Around. I Saw A Cross On The Side Of The Road This Morning, Probably Where Someones Loved One Was Taken From Them Instantly, They Probably Did Not Even Get To Say Goodbye. I Thanked Today For At Least Letting Us Have Some Time With U Before U Left. Though The Last 6 Months Were Complete Torture To Watch U In Liver Failure, We New Each Day May Be Your Last, So We Were One Of Few That Got To Say Goodbye To Our Loved One, Though It Still Seems Like I Want More. The Hardest Part Of U Dyeing Was When The Counselors At Ucla Medical Center Came In And Told Us U Were Not Eligeble For A Liver Transplant Because U Were An Alcoholic, I Hold So Much Guilt Still. I Think About When They Interviewed Each Of Your Family Members, I Think About If We Could Have Lied About Your Disease, Would They Have Approved The Transplant? I'm So Sorry, I Answered Every Question Honestly, I Have My Days Where I Wonder If I Had Just Said U Stopped Drinking, And Had Been Clean For So Long, Maybe They Would Have Approved U For The Transplant, Becuz U Were So Young.
Dad I Love U And Miss U So Much It Hurts
Here We Are The Night Before My Birthday, What I Would Give To Hear U Say Happy Birthday To Me Again? It The Specialo Days Like This That Hurt Not Having U Around. I Saw A Cross On The Side Of The Road This Morning, Probably Where Someones Loved One Was Taken From Them Instantly, They Probably Did Not Even Get To Say Goodbye. I Thanked Today For At Least Letting Us Have Some Time With U Before U Left. Though The Last 6 Months Were Complete Torture To Watch U In Liver Failure, We New Each Day May Be Your Last, So We Were One Of Few That Got To Say Goodbye To Our Loved One, Though It Still Seems Like I Want More. The Hardest Part Of U Dyeing Was When The Counselors At Ucla Medical Center Came In And Told Us U Were Not Eligeble For A Liver Transplant Because U Were An Alcoholic, I Hold So Much Guilt Still. I Think About When They Interviewed Each Of Your Family Members, I Think About If We Could Have Lied About Your Disease, Would They Have Approved The Transplant? I'm So Sorry, I Answered Every Question Honestly, I Have My Days Where I Wonder If I Had Just Said U Stopped Drinking, And Had Been Clean For So Long, Maybe They Would Have Approved U For The Transplant, Becuz U Were So Young.
Dad I Love U And Miss U So Much It Hurts
:
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Dear Dad,
We just got home from our little camping trip. We went camping with some friends we kinda lost touch with for a few years, not sure why or how, we just got so involved in our own lives, we did not keep in contact. Strange how life brings us together again. I watched my good friend walk into her motorhome kinda hiding the bottle seagrams 7. I guess I got a pit in my stomach, because why hide it, unless your hiding somthing else? Through the evening I saw the change, this morning I went into her trailer, she was crying, I asked did u drink that bottle of Seagrams, she said no, though she wreaked, and was clearly drunk, so I did what I never did to u, I confronted her, and said your lyeing, u reak like alcohol, she went to stand cuz she was mad, and fell, so there u go, she was drunk. Then the alcohol began to cry and yell. She hit rock bottom, I told her u need help, and she knew it, and was ready to get it. So her husband drove her to the hospital, that we called first, and they said they had a rehab there, and low and behold, the peace a crap people turned her away, because her alchol level was not high enough for detox. Well, what idiots, she just tried quiting on her own after 18 years, and stopped for 10 days up until yesterday. Now she's at home passed out, with a bunch of broshurs for her husband to call around to.
I guess I just thought it was easier to get the help, and everyone would want to help. Dad, I know not every situation was like urs, and I can't compare u to everyone, or your alcoholism to everyone. But if your listening, I am to, tell me what to do to help her. I kinda felt like u told me what to say today, almost like what u probably would of wanted to hear yourself, and it helped, because she really wanted help. But I can't do this on my own, and even though I've experienced this situation, does not make it any easier to deal with. Dad I feel like somtimes u send me little whispers of what to do and what not to do. I heard you today, I just need a few more whispers.
I love u dad and miss u very much
We just got home from our little camping trip. We went camping with some friends we kinda lost touch with for a few years, not sure why or how, we just got so involved in our own lives, we did not keep in contact. Strange how life brings us together again. I watched my good friend walk into her motorhome kinda hiding the bottle seagrams 7. I guess I got a pit in my stomach, because why hide it, unless your hiding somthing else? Through the evening I saw the change, this morning I went into her trailer, she was crying, I asked did u drink that bottle of Seagrams, she said no, though she wreaked, and was clearly drunk, so I did what I never did to u, I confronted her, and said your lyeing, u reak like alcohol, she went to stand cuz she was mad, and fell, so there u go, she was drunk. Then the alcohol began to cry and yell. She hit rock bottom, I told her u need help, and she knew it, and was ready to get it. So her husband drove her to the hospital, that we called first, and they said they had a rehab there, and low and behold, the peace a crap people turned her away, because her alchol level was not high enough for detox. Well, what idiots, she just tried quiting on her own after 18 years, and stopped for 10 days up until yesterday. Now she's at home passed out, with a bunch of broshurs for her husband to call around to.
I guess I just thought it was easier to get the help, and everyone would want to help. Dad, I know not every situation was like urs, and I can't compare u to everyone, or your alcoholism to everyone. But if your listening, I am to, tell me what to do to help her. I kinda felt like u told me what to say today, almost like what u probably would of wanted to hear yourself, and it helped, because she really wanted help. But I can't do this on my own, and even though I've experienced this situation, does not make it any easier to deal with. Dad I feel like somtimes u send me little whispers of what to do and what not to do. I heard you today, I just need a few more whispers.
I love u dad and miss u very much
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Hi Dad,
Some days u seem so close to me, and some days are so hard, because ur not here. Today was a day I felt u close to me, I walked that same walk I did everyday in ur last months when u were dieing. For some reason walking on that mountain, gives me a since of peace, like ur there with me. It's been a long time since I've even tried it, in fear it would bring back to many hard memories, but in turn, it gave me peace. If u can here me I know u know how much I miss u, and how everyday is hard to get through without u. I think about the days we were like ur shadow, always by your side 24/7, and suddenly thats gone. Which left me feeling like I lost a huge part of me. Hopefully someday, it won't hurt so much. I'm sure God had a plan when he took u, maybe it was to save us all for what the future might of held, if u never stopped drinking. Regardless, is there such thing as being to good of a parent? I truly believe you were the best parent anyone ever could have had, and thats why it's so hard in this world without u. I always felt safe with u around. I read the post on this website everyday, though I have no advice, because "YES" I grew up with an alcholic father, but besides the alcoholism, you were my hero, I never had any unrealistic heros on tv like my friends, i idolized u! The only time u hurt me ever, is when u left this world!
I love u dad and miss u.
Some days u seem so close to me, and some days are so hard, because ur not here. Today was a day I felt u close to me, I walked that same walk I did everyday in ur last months when u were dieing. For some reason walking on that mountain, gives me a since of peace, like ur there with me. It's been a long time since I've even tried it, in fear it would bring back to many hard memories, but in turn, it gave me peace. If u can here me I know u know how much I miss u, and how everyday is hard to get through without u. I think about the days we were like ur shadow, always by your side 24/7, and suddenly thats gone. Which left me feeling like I lost a huge part of me. Hopefully someday, it won't hurt so much. I'm sure God had a plan when he took u, maybe it was to save us all for what the future might of held, if u never stopped drinking. Regardless, is there such thing as being to good of a parent? I truly believe you were the best parent anyone ever could have had, and thats why it's so hard in this world without u. I always felt safe with u around. I read the post on this website everyday, though I have no advice, because "YES" I grew up with an alcholic father, but besides the alcoholism, you were my hero, I never had any unrealistic heros on tv like my friends, i idolized u! The only time u hurt me ever, is when u left this world!
I love u dad and miss u.
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Dear Dad,
So your Birthday will be here soon, u would be 56. It still just seems so young to be gone from this world, and I feel so lost without my DAD. I know when I go to visit u, it will be solo again. I wish we could get together with ur family and visit u. U know we have never done that since the day of your burial. I think in some ways, they want to go on and act like none of this ever happened. My last visit with them was good, they actually talked about u.
What I don't understand is how could someone that meant so much to us in life, mean so little to others. I know u treated everyone the same, why couldn't they see u the way I did? I think they still just see the alcohol, not the disease part of it. Do they really understand this was a disease?
I think sometimes there ashamed to talk about why u died, because they will not share it with anyone. Maybe one more life could be saved, if others knew how u died. It's not a shameful thing for me to talk about, because you were still the most wonderful father. I think if you could have seen what the future held, and someone had told u, u will die if u can't fight this disease, u would have fought it. But everyone so ashamed of sharing if there loved one has an addiction, It's a disease! I wish I could scream that sometimes when I here people judgeing others for addictions. Dad I wish u were here to answer some of these questions, and just to talk with. I love u and miss u.
So your Birthday will be here soon, u would be 56. It still just seems so young to be gone from this world, and I feel so lost without my DAD. I know when I go to visit u, it will be solo again. I wish we could get together with ur family and visit u. U know we have never done that since the day of your burial. I think in some ways, they want to go on and act like none of this ever happened. My last visit with them was good, they actually talked about u.
What I don't understand is how could someone that meant so much to us in life, mean so little to others. I know u treated everyone the same, why couldn't they see u the way I did? I think they still just see the alcohol, not the disease part of it. Do they really understand this was a disease?
I think sometimes there ashamed to talk about why u died, because they will not share it with anyone. Maybe one more life could be saved, if others knew how u died. It's not a shameful thing for me to talk about, because you were still the most wonderful father. I think if you could have seen what the future held, and someone had told u, u will die if u can't fight this disease, u would have fought it. But everyone so ashamed of sharing if there loved one has an addiction, It's a disease! I wish I could scream that sometimes when I here people judgeing others for addictions. Dad I wish u were here to answer some of these questions, and just to talk with. I love u and miss u.
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LuckyOnes,
So sorry for your loss. ((((hugs)))))
I lost my alchololic father to small cell lung cancer this last May. His final days are burned in my mind. He only lived 6 months from diagnosis. It was awful. There was so much more to him than "alcoholism". He was my Dad! I know it is very hard. Like an email that I got recently talking about things you have learned....." No matter what your relationship with your parents, you will be sad when they are gone". So true. I miss my Dad everday. I cry for him everyday. I am thankful too for the time we had before he died but then I think of his suffering. How I couldn't help him, couldn't defend him against such a terrible disease. There is so much guilt. Sometimes I miss him more than I can bear. He was young, like your Dad....60 yrs.
I am thinking of you. I know the loss you feel, the pain that is still so fresh and new. Your dad, while an alcoholic, was SO MUCH MORE. We will never forget that.
So sorry for your loss. ((((hugs)))))
I lost my alchololic father to small cell lung cancer this last May. His final days are burned in my mind. He only lived 6 months from diagnosis. It was awful. There was so much more to him than "alcoholism". He was my Dad! I know it is very hard. Like an email that I got recently talking about things you have learned....." No matter what your relationship with your parents, you will be sad when they are gone". So true. I miss my Dad everday. I cry for him everyday. I am thankful too for the time we had before he died but then I think of his suffering. How I couldn't help him, couldn't defend him against such a terrible disease. There is so much guilt. Sometimes I miss him more than I can bear. He was young, like your Dad....60 yrs.
I am thinking of you. I know the loss you feel, the pain that is still so fresh and new. Your dad, while an alcoholic, was SO MUCH MORE. We will never forget that.
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Hi Dad,
Happy Birthday!
I'm sending a huge hug your way. I wish you were here to celebrate it with. Theres so many different emotions I deal with not having you around. Two of the hardest days are on your Birthday, and the day we lost you. I know if you were here, you would want this to be a happy day, why is it when we loose somone, it's no longer a Happy Birthday for us? You made things so bright when you were around, always made us see the light in everything. I'm trying to dwell on what I had with you, not on what I don't have anymore, it's just really tough! I've got so many emotions just bottled up inside. Everyone was around to support when you were dieing, but when you were gone, everyone dwindled away. When you left, we lost the part of life we shared with you. Mainly all your good friends. Maybe they deal with your loss privatly. Anyway Dad I miss you so much and love you, HUGS
Happy Birthday!
I'm sending a huge hug your way. I wish you were here to celebrate it with. Theres so many different emotions I deal with not having you around. Two of the hardest days are on your Birthday, and the day we lost you. I know if you were here, you would want this to be a happy day, why is it when we loose somone, it's no longer a Happy Birthday for us? You made things so bright when you were around, always made us see the light in everything. I'm trying to dwell on what I had with you, not on what I don't have anymore, it's just really tough! I've got so many emotions just bottled up inside. Everyone was around to support when you were dieing, but when you were gone, everyone dwindled away. When you left, we lost the part of life we shared with you. Mainly all your good friends. Maybe they deal with your loss privatly. Anyway Dad I miss you so much and love you, HUGS
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Dear Dad,
The holdays are close, I try to make the best of things. Thanksgiving was our traditional dinner together, now I feel a little lost and not quite at home when we go other places, your definantly missing. Oh how I wish you were here to enjoy the holidays with us. I know how you loved the pies and mashed potatos and gravy, it's very hard to enjoy it without you. I'm trying live my life more lately. I'm understanding life more these days. I read The Dash book, and it dawned on me, God gave us the starting date, and he gives us an ending date, it's up to us to feel in that line. I love that phrase. Then I thought more about your line, and how much you were an impact on our lives, I guess thats why it's so hard to let go. We dreamed of having you till you were old. Dad, if you are listening, I love you, miss you, and still needed you. Sweet dreams. Me
The holdays are close, I try to make the best of things. Thanksgiving was our traditional dinner together, now I feel a little lost and not quite at home when we go other places, your definantly missing. Oh how I wish you were here to enjoy the holidays with us. I know how you loved the pies and mashed potatos and gravy, it's very hard to enjoy it without you. I'm trying live my life more lately. I'm understanding life more these days. I read The Dash book, and it dawned on me, God gave us the starting date, and he gives us an ending date, it's up to us to feel in that line. I love that phrase. Then I thought more about your line, and how much you were an impact on our lives, I guess thats why it's so hard to let go. We dreamed of having you till you were old. Dad, if you are listening, I love you, miss you, and still needed you. Sweet dreams. Me
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Dear Dad,
So Much Is Happening Right Now, I Wish U Were Here To Share With Us. I Know U Would Be So Proud Of The Girls, And What They've Accomplished. Chels Lettered As A Freshman Yesterday N Xcountry
I Remember U Used To Tease Us Asking Us When U Would Get One Of Those Stickers That Read My Child Was Child Of The Month. Your Call Would Be Full Of Stuff From Your Grandchildren. They Ask So Many Questions About U Lately. They Feel Like Ur With Them When They Run, Almost As Ur There Strength. I Don't Know What To Say To Them When They Say It, But I Want To Say Thanks To U. I Know U Would Be A Greater Strength To Them If U Were Actually Here, They Would Be So Proud To Have U Watch Them. It Hurts So Much I Can't Have U Here To Share These Moments. I Missed U At Thanksgiving, Even Though I Was With Your Family, It Just Felt So Empty That Day. I Love U Dad And Miss U So Much
So Much Is Happening Right Now, I Wish U Were Here To Share With Us. I Know U Would Be So Proud Of The Girls, And What They've Accomplished. Chels Lettered As A Freshman Yesterday N Xcountry
I Remember U Used To Tease Us Asking Us When U Would Get One Of Those Stickers That Read My Child Was Child Of The Month. Your Call Would Be Full Of Stuff From Your Grandchildren. They Ask So Many Questions About U Lately. They Feel Like Ur With Them When They Run, Almost As Ur There Strength. I Don't Know What To Say To Them When They Say It, But I Want To Say Thanks To U. I Know U Would Be A Greater Strength To Them If U Were Actually Here, They Would Be So Proud To Have U Watch Them. It Hurts So Much I Can't Have U Here To Share These Moments. I Missed U At Thanksgiving, Even Though I Was With Your Family, It Just Felt So Empty That Day. I Love U Dad And Miss U So Much
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Dear Dad,
Today Is One Of Those Days It's Harder Than Others Not Being Able To Talk To U. I Can Hear Your Voice In My Head And What U Might Say To Me. I Know It's A Very Selfish Feeling, I Just Feel So Jipped That Your Not Here. Even Though I Had The Best Father That I Ever Knew While U Were With Us. After Hearing So Many Stories Of What Everyone Goes Through With Having A Loved One With This Disease, I Know I Was A Rare Exception To Them All, To Of Been Able To Have Such A Wonderful Father. So On Days Like Today When I Feel Like My Faith Is Slipping, I Have To Remind Myself There Is A God, And He Watched Over Me All The Years U Had This Disease, And Never Gave Me Less Than The Best To Have U As A Father. I Know If Your Watching And Hearing Me Right Now U Would Have Fought This Disease. I Somtimes Find Myself Wanting Others To Feel In My Void Of Not Having U Here, Then I Expect Them To Live Up To The Expectation I Always Had Of U, "perfect" It's So Unfair That I'm Like That And I Realize It Yet I Still Find Myself Doing That. Dadyour Irriplacable, I Miss U So Much,it Hurts. I Love U Dad
Today Is One Of Those Days It's Harder Than Others Not Being Able To Talk To U. I Can Hear Your Voice In My Head And What U Might Say To Me. I Know It's A Very Selfish Feeling, I Just Feel So Jipped That Your Not Here. Even Though I Had The Best Father That I Ever Knew While U Were With Us. After Hearing So Many Stories Of What Everyone Goes Through With Having A Loved One With This Disease, I Know I Was A Rare Exception To Them All, To Of Been Able To Have Such A Wonderful Father. So On Days Like Today When I Feel Like My Faith Is Slipping, I Have To Remind Myself There Is A God, And He Watched Over Me All The Years U Had This Disease, And Never Gave Me Less Than The Best To Have U As A Father. I Know If Your Watching And Hearing Me Right Now U Would Have Fought This Disease. I Somtimes Find Myself Wanting Others To Feel In My Void Of Not Having U Here, Then I Expect Them To Live Up To The Expectation I Always Had Of U, "perfect" It's So Unfair That I'm Like That And I Realize It Yet I Still Find Myself Doing That. Dadyour Irriplacable, I Miss U So Much,it Hurts. I Love U Dad
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Dear Dad,
Today my very good friend that struggled with this disease a few months back gave me a plaque today with the "Serenity Prayer" it's very hard for me to show my emotions, but as I pulled away I felt as if someone was watching out for me. Sometimes what seems like such a little gesture to one, is so meaningful to others, that was one of those days. It brought back so many memories of your AA meetings and your fight with this disease. My good friend is doing so good these days, I have to say I"m so proud of her to make the change to try and fight this disease. I wish u were here to share your story, and be able to tell them all how you fought this disease, and u made it.
But now I find myself sharing your story, and saying "My Dad Who Was the Best Father any kid could ever had was not able to fight this disease" when he finally wanted to, it was to late. It hurts to even get those words out, and in no way am I ashamed of you, I know u tried, though this disease took over, u still fullfilled my every wish and dream a kid ever had. It was not about the gifts, because I honestly don't remember any, it was about the love, the memories, the talks, the times. I want everyone to know, a kid just wants there Dad no matter what, they don't really want the gifts, they want the time, cuz in the end, all i have are memories, which are wonderful ones. Today is not as hard as yesterday, at least I made it through with out breaking down to much. I love u so much DAD and miss U.
Today my very good friend that struggled with this disease a few months back gave me a plaque today with the "Serenity Prayer" it's very hard for me to show my emotions, but as I pulled away I felt as if someone was watching out for me. Sometimes what seems like such a little gesture to one, is so meaningful to others, that was one of those days. It brought back so many memories of your AA meetings and your fight with this disease. My good friend is doing so good these days, I have to say I"m so proud of her to make the change to try and fight this disease. I wish u were here to share your story, and be able to tell them all how you fought this disease, and u made it.
But now I find myself sharing your story, and saying "My Dad Who Was the Best Father any kid could ever had was not able to fight this disease" when he finally wanted to, it was to late. It hurts to even get those words out, and in no way am I ashamed of you, I know u tried, though this disease took over, u still fullfilled my every wish and dream a kid ever had. It was not about the gifts, because I honestly don't remember any, it was about the love, the memories, the talks, the times. I want everyone to know, a kid just wants there Dad no matter what, they don't really want the gifts, they want the time, cuz in the end, all i have are memories, which are wonderful ones. Today is not as hard as yesterday, at least I made it through with out breaking down to much. I love u so much DAD and miss U.
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
Dear Dad,
It's amazing how complete strangers read my journal to u, and my own family and closest friends have don't really know me or my feeelings, I realized I have put my personal thoughts and letters out for coplete strangers, and don't even feel like I'm able to share with my own family and closest friends, about the daily anguich of not having u n my life. I'm tired of people telling me to get over it, and move on. I have moved on, but it does not stop the fact that I miss u dearly. I have so many days where I realize just how much I relied on u. Yesterday was a day I needed to pick up the phone and call my "Super Hero Strong Dad" and say HELP!!! You were my protector and never let anyone pic on us, I felt so safe with u in my world, like nothing will ever happen to me and the kids, cuz u won't let it. The other day I parked in the wrong parking lot to pick up Lauren at school, then realized when she called me, she was upset she was being chased by a group of hispanic girls calling her names. I immediatly ran up to her, and the girls took off. Then during school yesterday the same girls held her in the locker room just to torture her, and would not let her go, then threatened she had better not tell, which she did. At that point these girls decided they were going to wait for her after school, which there whole gang did. This is where I felt helpless yesterday watching my little girl walk out of the school and a gang of hispanics coming after her. I felt u yesterday and your strength when I ran up to her, though that would suprise anyone with my reaction, I felt as though I was u dealing with the matter. This is a very difficult situation that normally I would say "Dad I need your help, what do I do" even though the school said they will deal with it Monday, I feel helpless right now, I don't know as a mother how to make her feel safe, like u made me feel. I felt like u could take on the world, wow! u really could, u just could never win this fight against this disease, it's just so powerful. To make a long story short, these girls have tormented her for a while because they call her white trash. I guess they'll be suprised when Joey and I show up Monday and the only thing white about Lauren is her mother, it will be a real shocker to know my husband is hispanic, but why should that matter? U know Joey is very quite and does not say much, but I wish I had u here to tell me what to do, how to handle things. I depended on u so much, somtimes i think maybe i asked to much of u, maybe life was wanting to much of u. I love u dad and really need u.
It's amazing how complete strangers read my journal to u, and my own family and closest friends have don't really know me or my feeelings, I realized I have put my personal thoughts and letters out for coplete strangers, and don't even feel like I'm able to share with my own family and closest friends, about the daily anguich of not having u n my life. I'm tired of people telling me to get over it, and move on. I have moved on, but it does not stop the fact that I miss u dearly. I have so many days where I realize just how much I relied on u. Yesterday was a day I needed to pick up the phone and call my "Super Hero Strong Dad" and say HELP!!! You were my protector and never let anyone pic on us, I felt so safe with u in my world, like nothing will ever happen to me and the kids, cuz u won't let it. The other day I parked in the wrong parking lot to pick up Lauren at school, then realized when she called me, she was upset she was being chased by a group of hispanic girls calling her names. I immediatly ran up to her, and the girls took off. Then during school yesterday the same girls held her in the locker room just to torture her, and would not let her go, then threatened she had better not tell, which she did. At that point these girls decided they were going to wait for her after school, which there whole gang did. This is where I felt helpless yesterday watching my little girl walk out of the school and a gang of hispanics coming after her. I felt u yesterday and your strength when I ran up to her, though that would suprise anyone with my reaction, I felt as though I was u dealing with the matter. This is a very difficult situation that normally I would say "Dad I need your help, what do I do" even though the school said they will deal with it Monday, I feel helpless right now, I don't know as a mother how to make her feel safe, like u made me feel. I felt like u could take on the world, wow! u really could, u just could never win this fight against this disease, it's just so powerful. To make a long story short, these girls have tormented her for a while because they call her white trash. I guess they'll be suprised when Joey and I show up Monday and the only thing white about Lauren is her mother, it will be a real shocker to know my husband is hispanic, but why should that matter? U know Joey is very quite and does not say much, but I wish I had u here to tell me what to do, how to handle things. I depended on u so much, somtimes i think maybe i asked to much of u, maybe life was wanting to much of u. I love u dad and really need u.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
Dear Dad,
You Were In My Dreams Last Night, And Again I Woke Up Feeling As Though U Were Really Holding My Hand, Though When I Looked It Was Empty, But I Know U Were There As I Know U Must Have Been That Angel Watching Over Lauren As She Walked Into That School Yesterday With Her Dad. Joey Got To Witness 1st Hand As He Escorted Her To The Office The Gang Of Girls Waiting For Her To Get To School. And Of Course Not One Of Those Girls Parents Showed Up. But A Complete Stranger Did Show Up For This Meeting,
It Was A Detective From The Area, He Told Joey And The Principal He Is Off Duty Today But Showed Up In Uniform And Said He Had Heard About What Was Going On With Lauren, And Asked Permission To Be In On This Meeting. Since None Of The Parents Showed Up, He Then Asked The Ring Leader To Be Brought Into The Office. Needless To Say, I Highly Doubt Any Child Will Be Tormented By These Group Of Girls Again. This Man Is Not A Duty Officer That Makes House Calls Or Goes Out On Calls He Is A Dectctive That Went Out Of His Way On His His Day Off To Be There For Lauren. I Don't Believe In Coincidences, We Never Called This Man Or Met Him Before In Our Lives, He MADE Lauren Feel Extremely Safe, And Joey And I. Again, When I'm Feeling So Jipped By U Not Being Here, Fate TakeS Over. I Wanted U To Know I'm Okay Today, I Love U And Miss U Temedously Dad
You Were In My Dreams Last Night, And Again I Woke Up Feeling As Though U Were Really Holding My Hand, Though When I Looked It Was Empty, But I Know U Were There As I Know U Must Have Been That Angel Watching Over Lauren As She Walked Into That School Yesterday With Her Dad. Joey Got To Witness 1st Hand As He Escorted Her To The Office The Gang Of Girls Waiting For Her To Get To School. And Of Course Not One Of Those Girls Parents Showed Up. But A Complete Stranger Did Show Up For This Meeting,
It Was A Detective From The Area, He Told Joey And The Principal He Is Off Duty Today But Showed Up In Uniform And Said He Had Heard About What Was Going On With Lauren, And Asked Permission To Be In On This Meeting. Since None Of The Parents Showed Up, He Then Asked The Ring Leader To Be Brought Into The Office. Needless To Say, I Highly Doubt Any Child Will Be Tormented By These Group Of Girls Again. This Man Is Not A Duty Officer That Makes House Calls Or Goes Out On Calls He Is A Dectctive That Went Out Of His Way On His His Day Off To Be There For Lauren. I Don't Believe In Coincidences, We Never Called This Man Or Met Him Before In Our Lives, He MADE Lauren Feel Extremely Safe, And Joey And I. Again, When I'm Feeling So Jipped By U Not Being Here, Fate TakeS Over. I Wanted U To Know I'm Okay Today, I Love U And Miss U Temedously Dad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
DEAR DAD,
I FINISHED ADDRESSING CHRISTMAS CARDS YESTERDAY, AND THERE STILL SITS YOUR ADDRESS IN MY BOOK. IT WOULD BE ABOUT THIS TIME, I WOUD SEND U A PICTURE OF THE KIDS AND U WOULD TAKE IT TOOK WORK, BRAG, AND BE SO PROUD. I MADE MY 1ST BRAG LETTER THIS YEAR, WHICH I WOULD RATHER CALL A SHARE LETTER. STUCK THEM IN EVERY ENVELOPE AND THEN WAS SHOT DOWN BY MY SISTERS WORDS " DON'T SEND ME ONE, I HATE THOSE THINGS AND YOUR EMAILS ARE BRAG LETTERS AS THEY ARE!" I THOUGHT THATS WHAT FAMILY WAS FOR, TO SHARE ABOUT THE KIDS, I DID NOT THINK FOR A SECOND IF I SHARED SOMTHING IT WOULD BE CONSIDERED BRAGGING. U ALWAYS LOVED HEARING ABOUT THINGS, I WAS SO PROUD TO SHARE IT WITH U, BECAUSE U SEEMED PROUD TO. IT JUST HURTS TO NOT HAVE U HERE TO SHARE THINGS WITH. U NEVER JUDGED ME, I WISH HEAVEN HAD AN ADDRESS WE COULD MAIL OR EMAIL TO. I WONDER SOMTIMES HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE SITTINHG UP THERE WITH U, THAT DIED FROM THIS SAME DISEASE? oR i WONDER HOW MANY MORE IN THE YEARS TO COME, WILL END UP THERE FOR THE SAME REASON? WILL THEY BE SITTING AND WRITING THERE LOVED ONES A LETTER LIKE I DO TO U, WILL THEY EVEN HAVE AS FOND OF MEMORIES AS I DO, FROM A LOVED THAT STRUGGLED WITH THIS DISEASE? PROBABLY NOT! THEY WILL PROBABLY BE WRITING ANGRY LETTERS, AND YES I'M ANGRY, I'M ANGRY THIS DISEASE CONTROLS LIVES, BUT I'M NOT ANGRY WITH U. I LOVE U AND MISS U.
I FINISHED ADDRESSING CHRISTMAS CARDS YESTERDAY, AND THERE STILL SITS YOUR ADDRESS IN MY BOOK. IT WOULD BE ABOUT THIS TIME, I WOUD SEND U A PICTURE OF THE KIDS AND U WOULD TAKE IT TOOK WORK, BRAG, AND BE SO PROUD. I MADE MY 1ST BRAG LETTER THIS YEAR, WHICH I WOULD RATHER CALL A SHARE LETTER. STUCK THEM IN EVERY ENVELOPE AND THEN WAS SHOT DOWN BY MY SISTERS WORDS " DON'T SEND ME ONE, I HATE THOSE THINGS AND YOUR EMAILS ARE BRAG LETTERS AS THEY ARE!" I THOUGHT THATS WHAT FAMILY WAS FOR, TO SHARE ABOUT THE KIDS, I DID NOT THINK FOR A SECOND IF I SHARED SOMTHING IT WOULD BE CONSIDERED BRAGGING. U ALWAYS LOVED HEARING ABOUT THINGS, I WAS SO PROUD TO SHARE IT WITH U, BECAUSE U SEEMED PROUD TO. IT JUST HURTS TO NOT HAVE U HERE TO SHARE THINGS WITH. U NEVER JUDGED ME, I WISH HEAVEN HAD AN ADDRESS WE COULD MAIL OR EMAIL TO. I WONDER SOMTIMES HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE SITTINHG UP THERE WITH U, THAT DIED FROM THIS SAME DISEASE? oR i WONDER HOW MANY MORE IN THE YEARS TO COME, WILL END UP THERE FOR THE SAME REASON? WILL THEY BE SITTING AND WRITING THERE LOVED ONES A LETTER LIKE I DO TO U, WILL THEY EVEN HAVE AS FOND OF MEMORIES AS I DO, FROM A LOVED THAT STRUGGLED WITH THIS DISEASE? PROBABLY NOT! THEY WILL PROBABLY BE WRITING ANGRY LETTERS, AND YES I'M ANGRY, I'M ANGRY THIS DISEASE CONTROLS LIVES, BUT I'M NOT ANGRY WITH U. I LOVE U AND MISS U.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
Dear Dad,
Wow, Twice N One Day.i Needed To Ask U A Few Questions? Not A Minute Of The Day Goes By I'm Not Coming Up With Different Senerials Of How I Could Of Changed The Past, Which We Know Is Not Possible, We May Only Change The Future. What Were Your Triggers That Made This Disease Worse? When Did U Feel Like U Could Just Be Yourself And Did Not Feel Like U Needed A Drink? In Order To Be The Best Father A Girl Could Of Ever Had Did U Need The Alcohol Just To Cope As A Father? God Blessed Me Every Day To Have U As A Father An To Not Know The Difference Of Right And Wrong. I Guess It Was Not Till My Teen Years Did I Realize The Amount U Drank Was Not Healthy. If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Would It Had Made A Difference To Give U An Ultimadem Of The Alcohol Or Me? I Almost Feel Like I Could Answer These Questions Myself, It Just Would Have Been Nice If I Had The Opportunity To Ask U Myself. I Know How Much U Loved Me And I Know U Thought You Weren't Killing Ur Self When U Took Just One More Drink. I Know If U Could Have Seen The Future And HOW Badly I Ache Without U In This World U Would Have Taken Life More Seriously. My Kids Only Have Stories Now To Share Of TheIR Grandpa, They Wake Somtimes After Dreaming About U, Feeling A Little Down, That Your Gone. My Husband Constantly Is Trying To Feel The Void U Left N My Heart When U Left This Earth. Life Does Not Seem Fair, Or Predictable. I Guess It Was A Blessing We Could Not Predict The Future, Because I Missed The Pain Till It Happened. Somtimes I'm Glad I Did Not Know How It All Would End, Because I Loved Every Moment With U. If I Had Ever Known I Was Going To Have To Say Goodbye So Early I Would Have Missed So Many Wonderful Moments Dwelling On What Was To Come. Dad I'm Not Sure If Any Of The Questions If Answered Could Have Changed The Future, But Even Though Your Not Here, I Just Had To Ask Them Anyway. Dad I Miss U More Than Anything. And Love U
Wow, Twice N One Day.i Needed To Ask U A Few Questions? Not A Minute Of The Day Goes By I'm Not Coming Up With Different Senerials Of How I Could Of Changed The Past, Which We Know Is Not Possible, We May Only Change The Future. What Were Your Triggers That Made This Disease Worse? When Did U Feel Like U Could Just Be Yourself And Did Not Feel Like U Needed A Drink? In Order To Be The Best Father A Girl Could Of Ever Had Did U Need The Alcohol Just To Cope As A Father? God Blessed Me Every Day To Have U As A Father An To Not Know The Difference Of Right And Wrong. I Guess It Was Not Till My Teen Years Did I Realize The Amount U Drank Was Not Healthy. If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Would It Had Made A Difference To Give U An Ultimadem Of The Alcohol Or Me? I Almost Feel Like I Could Answer These Questions Myself, It Just Would Have Been Nice If I Had The Opportunity To Ask U Myself. I Know How Much U Loved Me And I Know U Thought You Weren't Killing Ur Self When U Took Just One More Drink. I Know If U Could Have Seen The Future And HOW Badly I Ache Without U In This World U Would Have Taken Life More Seriously. My Kids Only Have Stories Now To Share Of TheIR Grandpa, They Wake Somtimes After Dreaming About U, Feeling A Little Down, That Your Gone. My Husband Constantly Is Trying To Feel The Void U Left N My Heart When U Left This Earth. Life Does Not Seem Fair, Or Predictable. I Guess It Was A Blessing We Could Not Predict The Future, Because I Missed The Pain Till It Happened. Somtimes I'm Glad I Did Not Know How It All Would End, Because I Loved Every Moment With U. If I Had Ever Known I Was Going To Have To Say Goodbye So Early I Would Have Missed So Many Wonderful Moments Dwelling On What Was To Come. Dad I'm Not Sure If Any Of The Questions If Answered Could Have Changed The Future, But Even Though Your Not Here, I Just Had To Ask Them Anyway. Dad I Miss U More Than Anything. And Love U
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
Dear Dad,
A Few Days Before Christmas, And Another Year Goes By Without U. It's Not Getting Easier, I Think I'm Just Getting Stronger. U Left Way To Soon, Right Before U Would Have Probably Even Had More To Live For, Maybe Wanted To Live For. And Wanted To Fight This Disease, I'm Sure Your Looking Down And Very Proud Of What All Your Grandkids Are Accomplishing. I Had A Rough Couple Of Days, I Know U Heard Me Asking U And God For Help Again. Our Cousin That U Helped Raise For A While, Is Now Walking In Your Footsteps. Your Brother Asked Me To Call Him. I Felt A Huge Weight On My Shoulders, As I've Already Failed In This Area Once, And My Outcome From It Was Not A Good One. Once Again, I Don't Think I Made Any Further Impact On Him Than Ever Talking To U. He Needs All The Prayers He Can Get Right Now, Because He's Not Ready To Change. Unfortunatly His Kids Are Not Getting The Same Out Of This Like I Did. I Know U Were A Big Impact On Him, And It's Hard For Him Without U Around. So Were All Struggling With U Not Being Here. He Was Sure To Let Me Know, Don't Live My Regrets I Have With U, Through Him!! Again, That Was The Alcohol Talking But It Does Hurt Still. Unfortunatly Even Though Your Gone, The Pain Of This Disease Lives On, And We All Miss U. . If U Can Send Any Help This Way Your Nephew Could Use It. I Love U Dad
A Few Days Before Christmas, And Another Year Goes By Without U. It's Not Getting Easier, I Think I'm Just Getting Stronger. U Left Way To Soon, Right Before U Would Have Probably Even Had More To Live For, Maybe Wanted To Live For. And Wanted To Fight This Disease, I'm Sure Your Looking Down And Very Proud Of What All Your Grandkids Are Accomplishing. I Had A Rough Couple Of Days, I Know U Heard Me Asking U And God For Help Again. Our Cousin That U Helped Raise For A While, Is Now Walking In Your Footsteps. Your Brother Asked Me To Call Him. I Felt A Huge Weight On My Shoulders, As I've Already Failed In This Area Once, And My Outcome From It Was Not A Good One. Once Again, I Don't Think I Made Any Further Impact On Him Than Ever Talking To U. He Needs All The Prayers He Can Get Right Now, Because He's Not Ready To Change. Unfortunatly His Kids Are Not Getting The Same Out Of This Like I Did. I Know U Were A Big Impact On Him, And It's Hard For Him Without U Around. So Were All Struggling With U Not Being Here. He Was Sure To Let Me Know, Don't Live My Regrets I Have With U, Through Him!! Again, That Was The Alcohol Talking But It Does Hurt Still. Unfortunatly Even Though Your Gone, The Pain Of This Disease Lives On, And We All Miss U. . If U Can Send Any Help This Way Your Nephew Could Use It. I Love U Dad
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