Hey - how did you know I was having a small day, you know the kind of thing I mean where I've got the urge to mutter quietly that I'm shrinking! I've never excelled at anything in my life from the age of 6 to 35 I've only ever come top of the class once and that was in subsid physics because D was teaching me. I do ok but it comes down to the work I put in, I read because I need to and I ask for feedback to try and improve.
The smoking thing.....
YUK! I honestly haven't the faintest idea whether it's an excuse or something genuine but right now at work I just don't want to spare the energy to stop. The working atmosphere feels intense, on the one hand telling myself I can achieve and on the other the little voice inside that screams arrogance. Inbetween it's trying to produce the best I can, trying to judge if I could offer it more, trying to grasp a concept deeper - and then going for a fag. It's like breaking the day up with moments of irresponsibility and less than best intent - before going back and trying to be confident while I ask whether I just look an ass!
At home we've stopped smoking in the house and at the end of October smoking, smoke breaks, etc will be banned in working hours. I'm letting the net close in round the habit and welcoming it.
I should be setting off to work - but I want another coffee first so I'm gonna be naughty and finish late instead!!