Originally Posted by minnie
I find support invaluable once I have decided on a course of action. If I haven't decided, "support" is irritating at best.
I would never, ever argue against supporting someone who has made the decision to make any change in their life and is committed to that change. I have big issues with trying to get someone to make that decision in the first place. Quite frankly, I have not found a way to do that and it is detrimental to ME to attempt it.
Minnie - my issue is that the skills to do it without causing harm to self are availabe they just aren't easily accessible. I've referenced it before and will do again but there's plenty of evidence to suggest that SO's SUPPORTED in HOW they suggest initial actions can and DO make a meassurable difference.
In my case it wasn't me that played that first role, it was D's grandfather and mother - but they did make a difference even though that difference began PRIOR to him deciding for himself. In fact D maintains that even my 100% failed attempted to will him to live more than 10 years ago made a difference, he knew what someone who he wasn't related to thought he was worth, and he knew without change that someone wouldn't get closer.
I'll hunt down the NIAAA CRAFT paper which outlines some of this. There are books that can help those wanting to help to REALLY help.
That we are powerless is s myth long overdue for busting!!