run for the hills!
Rosemary,
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Listing the pros and cons is a great idea. Based on my experiences, if you were my daughter, I guess I'd have to tell you to run for the hills.
I know we're not supposed to give advise here, but reading your post brought back painful memories for me during my early years with my AH. The early times, partying with friends, tec, was fun in the beginning. Then I began to outgrow the need/desire to spend my time drinking, and he didn't. I couldn't keep up with him and I just wanted to stay home and do regular things, not involving alcohol. I became a co-dependent early in our relationsip. I feared his actions if I chose to stay home and he went out. Some nights, he didn't come home...I had no idea where he was, and was afraid to find out. I would force myself to go with him just so I could control his behaviors.
I lost my identity and now, 20+ years later, I'm working very hard to regain it back...find out who I am and what kind of eggs I like! (The egg scene in the movie Runaway Bride!)
Get some space, take some time, spend time with "healthy" family and friends. Become your own person.....your on the right track, Rosemary.....keep it up!
S