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Old 07-01-2006, 05:17 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
clancy
Im Ok - youre OK
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 250
Hmm, questions to make you think.

What caused your substance abuse behavior?

Mmm, its been a long time. I was brought up in 'care' and I was restless and noisy and disruptive (apparently!) so I was given a paediatric sedative that contained valium sometimes....I LOVED it, and soon learned to act up for it. it made me feel peaceful and cozy. I used to pretend I had a cough for codeine lictus...then found you could buy it for a pound a 600mg bottle for the chemist. That was my undoing I guess. Ive been addicted to opiates ever since, im now 32. However Im VERY lucky in that I havent had a bad life because of it.....Ive had a wonderful life, so far. I have depressions and panics but they are always brief. Ive a lovely home and partner and dog and stepkids. Ive travelled extensively and am now studying at art school.

This is the problem with me about the motivation to change......because my life has been good,even with drugs its hard to get that.Ive no car crash stories to tell, no criminal record. The motivation to change comes I guess from not wanting to be looked down on, not wanting to hurt my body, and id like to know what im really like. However that scares me! What if my entire personality is a construct of drugs?

When im down and the motivation to change fades I do yoga, meditate, try and think of my body as a temple... its hard for me as I said as my life has been very blessed (I am starting to realise just how blessed lately)even with drugs entwined all the way..my partner has been a very stabilising influence,and Ive never been in to getting 'out of it' ...I seem to need a seatbelt between me and the world....hmm. As I said your questions made me think.
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