ghostworld

Please excuse me if I may vent while I describe how I live and feel.






I have read some online materials on SAD. The weird thing is that I do not have a fear of speaking in public. I am not shy. I don't mind talking or meeting people but the problem is that I just don't feel like being with anyone. The only person I want to be with is my husband.

I have insecurities about going out. I'm relatively young but of old fashioned mind and values. One of the things I absolutely hate is going out and coming across women that are half naked. Mini skirts with half tops and high heels, etc. I feel so angry when I see that. It infuriates me. I myself have a pretty good figure, long hair and good skin. I can dress like that and get the same attention. But I don't. I don't feel like I should have to compete when I go out so I stay home all the time. When I do finally go out, I dress the way I feel the most comfortable, which is usually classy/elegant maaaybe a bit sexy but not showing off cleavage and stuff. But then I feel like the ugliest girl in the room. Not a good feeling.

Getting back to the anti-social/SAD, I cannot stand being with people in general unless they're MY friends. I love my inlaws but I would be happy if I never saw them again.
I love my family, but I can go many months without seeing them. People have started to notice how I am and i'm starting to get the guilt trips. "oh you don't love us", "howcome you never want to hang out?", "we missed you last saturday". WTF?? :uzi2:

I want to be by myself. is that so bad? why can't people understand and respect that?

Why do I need to be around people?


Children...I don't like them. Please do not invite me to your house if you have kids because I do not think they're cute. And if i'm forced to attend one of your stupid BS get-togethers pleease do not make me play memory with your kid on dinning room table after the food has been cleared. Do not tell me cute stories of what he or she did because frankly, I could care less. The world does not revelove around your stupid child.

People, please do not come to MY house uninvited and tell me that I need to get out more often. I do not come to your house and tell you that you need to get a man and get off my case.


I'm basically a very friendly person but it's only for that moment. For example: If I go to the store to buy something, I will tell the clerk to have a good day while I give them a big smile. But don't ask for anymore. I do not want to stand there and chit chat with you.

When I go to your house to pick up or drop off soemthing please do not ask me to come inside and have a seat and much less a cup of effin coffee. We have nothing in common and talking to you would be a waste of my time.



I have a lot more I can right but i'm tired.


What do I have?