You have a lot on your plate and the emotions are hard to deal with. I know how hard it's been for me with my AH and I don't have children. Do you attend any kind of support group or individual therapy? I can only imagine getting out may be difficult with 2 small children. For me, Al-Anon has been invaluable.
The closest experience I've had to what you're going through is my aunt, who lived next door. After my uncle died, her drinking became very problematic and her kids, my four cousins, finally did sit down with her and let her know they could no longer leave their children with her. It broke her heart; unfortunately it was not enough to change her drinking.
Someone suggested an intervention; have you thought about doing that?