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Old 06-01-2006, 03:36 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
gypsyrose
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
I did the no contact thing for three weeks once. Took my boys, loaded up the truck and went on a road trip. I kept us moving, visiting interesting places, learning new things. It was really hard but my AH had crossed a boundary I couldn't ignore and I needed time away from him to figure out what to do about it. It was stressful but each day I made it through got me closer to knowing what I wanted and remembering who I wanted to be.

It was the first time I'd left without saying goodbye and it was the first time AH didn't try to contact me while I was away. I am grateful for that time because if we had been communicating, I'm not sure I would have been able to detatch enough to create the boundaries I have now. It's only been a few months since then but during that time AH has been going to meetings a couple of times a week, has told his doctor he's an alcoholic and needs help getting sober and best of all, he is treating me much better. Most importantly, now, when his behavior starts to slip, I am able to remind him of my boundaries and he is respecting that. He and I both now know that am free to leave and that has been good for both of us. It's not a threat I'm using against him but a shared understanding that we both need to be healthy together and that if we can't be healthy together then we need to spend time apart. I continue to be hopeful that we will be able to be healthy together but the time we spent apart helped me get to the point where I knew I was going to be okay even if we couldn't be together. Hard, I know, for awhile, but eventually our lives can become our own if we focus on making things the best we can for ourselves. For me, it's all about being grateful... asking myself, what can I be grateful for today? Like I always say, life is short and then you die so you better make the most of today.
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