sunshine003

I'm not sure what triggered it but today, my mind was going over a certain event and I am stumped at the manipulation I used to NEVER see.

Throughout my marriage, I admit I haven't had much of a social life outside of AH. I have isolated myself from friends. I can honestly tell you that in two years, I have done something with a friend TWO times. It's pathetic. It was also always AFTER I'd get the kids to bed and AH was still never happy about it.

I remember a friend of mine calling spur of the moment once.....she lives far away now but we've been friends since grade school. She was in town visiting her mother and she called up to see if I wanted to get together after the kids were in bed. I looked at AH and said, "Do you mind if after I put the kids to bed, I go see her for a while?" Instantly, he got this tone and said, "Do whatever you gotta do." Being the good little codie I was, I decided right then I wouldn't go. But, for the rest of the night, he ignored me. He'd be really nice to all the kids but if I said anything, he'd act like he didn't hear me. I'd repeat myself and he'd look through me like I wasn't there.

I got upset of course, my feelings were hurt and I didn't understand what I did, why he was acting that way and it was humiliating. I cried a lot that night and finally said to him, "you ignoring me has really hurt my feelings, if something is bothering you, I wish you'd tell me what it is...." (believe me, I had already asked but he'd just act like I wasn't there).....he said, "I haven't been ignoring you, what are you talking about?" and this big turn around happened. He mentioned how rude it was that I would want to go out after the kids were in bed, etc. it went on and on.....

You know what? NOW, I realize he is just a manipulative SOB. I also realize he probably didn't want me out scared I'd bump into one of his flings, LMAO. Who knows. But, he sure could put himself first and do whatever he choose but when someone else wanted too, look how he acts.

ugh, I can't believe I put up with that garbage. I have no words to explain where my head was to think this is even close to OKAY.

If I were to ever mention , "Look, I don't ever go do anythhing, ...." He'd quickly interrupt and begin in on, "If going "out" is so important to you, then do whatever you want....it's obvious you don't want to be tied down." Tied down? since when is spending some time with friends once in a while mean you don't want to be "tied down?"

WOW. I just never noticed how controlling and manipulative he was. It was almost abusive and blackmail....I always got such a weird vibe.