Hi,
You are right he's trying to divert you from the fact he's in denial about his drinking.
He obviously has a problem but.........your problem is finding and getting yourself to an Alanon meeting. Nothing you can do about him. You have to take care of you.
As I was reading your post I remember an Alanon friend of mine telling me she used to keep an overnight bag in her car in case her alcoholic got out of hand so she could leave.
Abuse is unacceptable under any circumstances no excuses for it whether he's been our drinking with his brother or not.
Ngaire