Keeping Quiet -
I'm new to this also and don't know that I can offer you alot of help but wanted you to know that someone is here and listening. There are alot of very helpful knowledgeable people on this site who can really help make a difference. Read what other people have written and check the responses. I'm sure that you will find comfort in what you read.
Have you ever been to an Alanon meeting? I went to two of them this week and it helped alot. Hang in there. Check back on this site and others with alot more knowledge than I have will talk to you and help you deal with your fears and feelings.