Confused
I have never been to a message board about addicitons. I honestly am a little nervous about posting here.....and I'm sorry if this is long....
I grew up in a family where alcohol was used for two purposes. Medicinal and on SUPER special occassions, which was usually only New Years, at all other times it's use was frowned upon. I understand very little about it.
My husband comes from a very heavily drinking family. His father died when my husband was very young...He was a heavy drinker. My husband's mother is/was a heavy drinker and recently had to be hospitalized as she went a lot crazy, due to the effects of her heavy drinking. His oldest brother is a definate alcoholic and his other is teetering on the edge....
My husband drinks roughly a 30 pack a week, but not all the time. He goes periods when he doesn't drink at all. But then there are times....when he goes out with his brother and comes home, his eyes all dialated, his speech slured. He'll stand infront of me, barely able to stand straight and say "I'm not drunk". It's these times, when he goes out with his brother, when he gets violent. So far it's just been pushing me down or putting me in a headlock. He's never HIT me, though he has left me with some nasty bruises. I don't even need to provoke things. I can talk to him calmly...and it will escalate into abusive actions, usually more verbal than anything. I stay as calm as possible but know in situations like this that there is nothing I can do. Even going to sleep or ignoring him will make him angry and accuse me of "Playing games"....
He stopped drinking for a week after the last episode where he bruised my arm because I wrapped myself around his shoes to keep him from driving.....he wanted to leave because I asked him a silly question regarding my weight loss and he completely freaked (no I didn't not ask him if I looked fat or if he could tell if I lost weight) When he started screaming at me I calmly told him what I asked didn't matter, it was a trivial question and he said that if I was going to try playing mind games with him he was leaving.......Me thinks he was the one playing games at that point but that's another story. The following day we discussed it and I told him if he put another bruise on me ever again I would leave him. He, as he puts it "Put himself on probation from drinking"
A week later he came home with a 30 pack...I said nothing...what could I say?? That night he stayed up till 4:30 in the morning....I woke up and found him with a beer in his hand and talked him into going to bed (he's only violent after going out with his brother drinking...otherwise hes kind of a silly mushy drunk)....He told me he had 10 beers. THE NEXT NIGHT......I woke up and he wasn't in bed!! Again found him in the living room..beer in hand....I asked how many beers have you had? only 4 he answered.....BUT there were 9 empty on the table and one in his hand...I made him aware of this and he was a little stunned....he said...I have one more beer left...I'll drink it and go to bed....and so he did. BUT he drank a 30 pack in two days. He told me when he came to bed...."I think I need to go to a Meeting." I asked him about Alcoholism and he said "No no no I am not an alcoholic. I am a problem drinker. Just a problem drinker....I go to an AA meeting every so often and it straightens me up" (He hasn't been to one since we've been together...at least 3 years.)....I told him that I was very concerned with his drinking habits as of late and had researched a little online....He freaked and told me "You shouldn't be looking up Alcoholism online!!!! If you have a question about alcohol ask me I know everything about it you need to know." (I don't trust his knowlege of alcoholism) He is going to go to a meeting on his next day off...I questioned him about it when he was sober and he confirmed his statement.....I can only hope he follows through...
My husband is a WONDERFUL man. I adore him. He's a wonderful, wonderful husband. He's charming, sweet, and understanding. He's very kind and sensitive. He has a wonderful sense of humor and is a GREAT father (to my stepson who isn't always with us...and he will not drink if his son is in the house)...I couldn't ask for a better husband....until he drinks....and mostly when he goes out with his brother....he has no qualms about drinking and driving...even though he has one dwi.
IS there a such thing as a problem drinker or is my husband just blowing smoke up my butt to try to get me from knowing what he may be in denial about?? That he is indeed an alcoholic. And how do I help him?????