Thanks Pauline, JT.
Sometimes if I am not feeling angry, sad or afraid I have a feeling of "numbness".
Even at times when I should be feeling a sense of joy I just feel numb.
It happens even when I am with people I care for very deeply and I can never seem to explain it when during a moment of intimacy my s.o turns to me and says"Whats wrong?"
A book I am reading talks about "chronic shock"
"Chronic shock" apparently is a syndrome of Acoa who have experienced particularly traumatic experiences during their childhood.
I am not sure If I can diagnose myself for "chronic shock" but I do know I can identify three incidents in my childhood that may be possible causes.
One is about an accident I had when I was seven years old.
The other is about a beating I recieved from my father.(still afraid to talk about the circumstances)
The other is about abuse and rejection from my foster family when I was about thirteen.
I am so really grateful for the strength NA has given me.If not for NA I would not even be able to even attempt to look at such issues.
Even now I feel a sense of shame and guilt even "daring" to open up about it but I am angry too........I want to know more....