na-
Just because I understand it doesn't mean I live it like I should.
I'm in your club of 'let's give everyone their chance and love and forgive and support'.
I have sworn to everyone including my bf that I can never ever give up or turn my back on him. And I know that's not what detacthing yourself is about- but I feel like if I remove myself from his life and his problems then that's what I am doing. I always forgive and promise never to forget. I believe I'm only angry and hateful at him when he's gotten high and lied to me. I really love him and he's a wonderful person under the addiction.
I'm afraid I will always be here because I'm afraid he won't quit and neither will I.
It's a harsh fantasy to think one day that person we love will be better and clean after years of struggle and we can stand back and say how we fought right there with them and never gave up!
Wouldn't it just be a perfect world.....
It's not. It's harder than that and I know it.
You and I face the same moral struggle everyday. 'Do I stand by no matter what- showing complete love and support and encourage this person while they break my heart?'-
But-yes-we do.
And we will always do what we believe is best until otherwise notified by our loved ones, that (a) They need more- we must do more to help- they want to change, but can't- just stick around a little longer...
or, (b) They destroy us along with themselves, or die trying.
I hate this and I hate living like this and I hate to feel 2nd best to a handfull of pills. But I love my boyfriend so much that I will continue to do what I have to, because I believe in him and that he loves me too. I'm just glad to have this place to come to for a reality check now and then! Hang in there- I'm hanging too!
Brittany
