Hi YingYang,
Welcome to the forum. This has been a wonderful place of healing for me over the last year or so. THe folks here have been through it all and share all their feelings and fears.
My husband is still actively drinking. So I have had many simular situations. What has helped me the most is going to face to face Alanon meetings. Somehow hearing others share the same feelings and experiences took a huge load off my shoulders. I didn't feel so alone and so shamefull. Sharing here has also been a lifesaver. The people really care and share true feelings with a backdrop of love for you.
A word of caution: we need recovery just as much as the alcoholic does, and recovery takes time. This is not an overnight program, where your problems will be resolved quickly and your fears will melt away. My experience has been that it is a slow process. But there is a certain amount of relief when you first come for help and begin recovery. If you keep reading, sharing, soul searching, then you can find your way back to who you were ment to be.
Sorry this has gotten so long. I want to encourage you and welcome you. Please share here often, we are always here to listen and care.