Katied,
Guess it depends on what you want...There are people (thanks thirdtimer for posting your Experience, Strength and Hope) that can live in happy relationships with A's.
For me, not what I wanted out of my life...too chaotic..too reministant of the house I grew up in..(both parents are unrecovered ACOA, my brother was an A as well..uncles, grandparents..you get the idea).
I'm 37 and I finally am in a healthy, functional relationship with a wonderful man who is not an alcoholic or an addict..not to say he's perfect..i'm not and he's not, but we are both pretty healthy and have good ways of communicating and resolving our differences..neither of us tries to control the other..well..I try but my damn program doesnt let me do that very often..doesn't feel comfortable.
I'm in Alanon, he's not..
Like you, I have done TONS of work on myself..and I'm still a work in progress..I've had lots of therapy, life coaching, self help books and I'm active member of Alanon..
This relationship I'm in today is relatively new - 9 months but came after multiple relationships with alcoholics or really controlling manipulative men..
L, my bf, wasn't someone I was overly attracted to..in fact, he fell into that "he's too nice" category..but through my recovery and a STRONG desire to be in a healthy relationship, I worked through some of my issues while dating him..I didn't run away, I didn't break up with him, I took it slowly..
He doesn't have any red flags..trust me I've been looking..he is just a really great guy with a good heart and good values..neither of us really drink..
This is the first relationship that I truly feel supported - emotionally...
I'd say your picker might still be broken..
are you active in Alanon today? My sponsor was a great help when I started dating L..
I'd keep going to the counselor as well..
I took a year off between relationships to get my head together (after my exabf) before I met L..it was a good year..
Good luck! You can do it...many of us have..