Morning all!
Time for a little game! I will call it "Let's Make a Deal"
Here I am in the sunny southern California Studio of Whomever and I am waiting in anticipation for the new improved version of an old and crusty game show to begin.
Finally the newly contracted host makes his appearance! The crowd jumps to it's feet (in response to a sign that says "jump to your feet and applaud") and applauds. The new host is none other than The Beav and he is attired in (gasp) and freshly pressed orange jumpsuit and shower shoes!
After the crowds quiet the host begins by welcoming each and every one of us and explains the rules of the new and improved "Let's Make a Deal". After hearing him speak it sounds to me like the same old game with a new host. It is, after all, about what I have in my purse and if I give it to him I can win what is behind one of three curtains.
So let the games begin! This orange version of the Beav approaches me and I leap to my feet and act like I am about to swoon (in response to a sign that says "leap to you feet and act like you are about to swoon") He waves his arms to quiet the crowd and begins by welcoming me to "The New Let's Make a Deal"
Then he tells me that if I have $20 in my purse I can have what is behind one of the three infamous curtains. I about break my arm getting the money out...this is easy!!! Now I get to choose....um, um, um....Curtain #2!!
With much fanfare the curtain parts...and there stands another BEAV!!! The canned music makes that bad tooting sound that tells me I have lost! Darn, my big chance and all. Just then the curtain Beav begins to speak and tells me that I have one more chance....."IF" he says "You have another $20 in there"
" I DO...I DO!!!" as I hand it over. They push a table on wheels onto the stage with a tiny box on it and give me a choice...one of the two remaining curtains or the tiny box. I choose Curtain #3...of course. What ever is back there HAS to be bigger and better than that tiny box! As the curtain begins to part I catch a glimpse of orange....my heart sinks...you guessed it....another Beav in orange clothing. My heart sinks...I have lost again.
BUT he offers me another deal!!! I can still win!. Gosh I hope he doesn't ask me for money...I am out!!! It is like he reads my mind!! He asked for cigarettes!!! I DID have a carton of cigarettes and I whipped them out while jumping up and down ( in response to yet another flashing sign). But the look on the Beav's face said..."not good enough...not my brand" I pleaded..."but that is all I have." He came to me and took them but I could tell he wasn't happy about it. I WON AGAIN!!!
Now I get to choose again...they push a huge box on stage and that is one of my choices. Now I have learned that if I pick a curtain they only want more stuff...that little box? What could be in it? BIG BOX!! BIG BOX!! That is what I choose!!!
Out pops that infernal sunkist version of the Beav! Damn!!! Now he wants a lawyer! How could I possibly have a lawyer in my purse?? Doesn't he know that?? He just sits on the edge of the box waiting for me to scramble. Can you believe they had a flashing sign that said "Scramble"??? A thought pops into my head "I can win this yet!! IS THERE A LAWYER IN THE HOUSE???" I yelled to the crowd! Suddenly I was surrounded by 78 men in dark suits all holding calculators! I whispered "I wanted a lawyer not an accountant" but they assured me they were lawyers. I selected one from the throng (he looked like Mel) and we had a meetin' The show went to break. In the space of a 3 minute commercal break I had 2nd mortgaged my house, promised to pay him a retainer and an hourly rate equal to the sum of the loan on his boat. I WIN!! I WIN!!!
Just then my cell phone rang....it was Ward! "What are you thinking!!??" OMG...how did he know I was here?? "How could you forge my name on a mortgage??" I cried "You don't understand!! This time I really win!!!" He screamed at me "Well guess what babe...if you pick another curtain you lose! I will kick your (petite
) butt to the curb!!"
I really want that curtain...what is Ward thinking?? Doesn't he get it?? Damn...if I pick it I will be homeless....if I don't I am stuck with that tiny box! Gosh he makes me mad!! FINE!!! I will pick the little box!
Vanna makes her premier appearance on stage and waves her manicured hand over the box. The canned music breaks into a bad rendition of "Bridge over troubled water" as Vanna delicately opens the tiny box. The only thing in it is a slip of paper with one word written on it.
Boundaries.
Somehow the stage lighting got much brighter, there was a sweet twinkling to the canned music...and a feeling came over me. There was no sign flashing "feel" either. It just happened!
The 4 orange Beav's came over to console me. After all I had lost it all! They felt so badly for me...but they were willing to give me another chance. For a measly $10 I could continue the game....
Hugs,
JT