A positive side to all this
I may not be able to forive myself for things I did when I was using but there is a positive side to this. When I am in my little boys room rocking him and holding him, he is so sweet and innocent and I'm so grateful that I learned how to treat me with loving care. I learned that from the way I was treated. I'm certainly not a perfect mom but when I do something that I'm sorry for, like yell. I always know to go say that mommy is not mad at you, it's not your fault and I'm sorry for raising my voice. I am so happy that I know how important that is. I feel fortunate that I am able to do that and that my children are so young and that I am sober. As long as I am sober I can continue to work on myself to be the best person that I can so that I can be the best mother I can for them.
Without evererything I have gone through I would not be where I am today and I a grateful for that.
Oh my god I just read over my post and i wrote that I learned how to treat me when I meant to say I learned how to treat him. Freudian slip. That's pretty wild. Maybe through the way we treat our kids we are re-living how to treat our inner child.
light bulb....light bulb