Originally Posted by
Tombplant 
i don’t understand why him getting healthy would make him not want to be with me or love me anymore? Why would he promise me a week ago even when he was still using he would never abandon me and doesn’t need to end the relationship to go to recovery, and now suddenly after his surgery he doesn’t know how he will feel about me? It’s like I know he’s done this before, but the circumstances are so different. I do want him to get healthier, and him being clean before I think he can. I do not know why he doesn’t want to be with me at all anymore. those words hurt me. Like I did all of this to just be thrown out at the end of the day again/ I don’t know how to react or feel.
Of course we can't possibly know his reasons, but for most alcoholics and addicts shame is a huge part of our internal dialog and since he has done a lot of things to you that he should rightfully feel badly about, he may just be trying to avoid dealing with it. It's painful for him and without his substances he has no emotional defense. He can't, "check out," from his feelings.
Add to that the fact that recovering from substance abuse is all-encompassing and it's going to take a very long time and all of his focus and energy. He would be trying to save his own life and any triggers/reminders of his past may be too much for him.
I've gone through several difficult breakups in my life, rarely are all the questions answered. In hindsight all of the breakups were necessary and with some of them I dodged a huge bullet.
You'll feel better in time. The sooner you get to Acceptance the better, but it's going to hurt for a while. I'm sorry for that.