Hi tummyaches
I am sorry for your loss. My best friend/fiance died last March unexpectedly in a car accident. I went off the rails for 12 days after. Then I got a sponsor as well as went to plenty of meetings regularly. I have been sober for almost 10 months now.
I understand what you mean. In my case, His death was a wake up call for me. It put me in a corner with no one else to blame, death does that. I finally came to a final conclusion that alcohol/drugs' primary purpose is to destroy and take away everything and anything I love, and to replace those lovely things with intolerable and morbid feelings of shame, disgust, fear and anger. NO Deal!
For me, there is/was no bottom, if i continued to use, the poisons would eat away until I was DEAD ....without ceasing...
I hate what happened to my best friend, and I'll never stop missing him. I also know that his death triggered the most indescribable, substantial change within me. One way to explain it - is like an inner eye opening on an external wound, I feels the sorrow that comes with attachment but it echoes of the song that David played Hallelujah, with some sweet, tender chords, but with frequent bouts of hardship followed by intense relief. Surrender.