Dear Jsnake
So sorry for what brings you here. I can only imagine your heartache: the situation, the distance, taking care of your kids, everything.
Her personality is going to change as long as she doesn't drink. You are seeing the beginning of this. The person she was. under the influence, is what you know. I am glad you are attending AlAnon.
You will find a great, supportive group here. Keep coming back!!!