Firstly you are awesome for getting here! Welcome!
Secondly, totally getcha about the public-nes of AA. My therapist once called it the Shame Mountain. I feel like drinking gave me so many things I wasnt proud of and I beat myself up about that I didn't need to be reminded of it in front of others. I was scaling that shame mountain all on my own. I eventually needed to put all that to bed because it was just another thing that my AV used to push me drink.
In the end you should look at this journey and be proud you are starting to change perspective. Like they said above, Any Other Action is good! Walking, watching your favorite shows, redecorate! Make a literal list of your favorite things to do and pick them at random.
I feel you when it comes to inheriting this stuff. I know its genetic but I also wonder if the coping mechanisms that I have inherited also lend themselves to my family's generational alcoholism. But how so we relearn copimg mechanisms?
Appreciate your post friend. Hope your day and week goes well and keep postings. Keeps me straight and narrow too.