Originally Posted by
SoberLeigh 
How wonderful that you are able to run with your son, ToughChoices; I hope that it is something you can continue for years to come.
Being an alcoholic is a tough hand to be dealt but, as you know from your beautiful nine months of sobriety, we can turn the game around and win.
God is on your side; I have no doubt but that He desires a healthy and sober life for you, ToughChoices. Reliance on Him for strength is a brilliant part of your sober plan.
Thank you, Leigh.
There are many that have been dealt MUCH tougher hands than me. But this certainly isn't the route I would have purposely chosen (I'll take alcoholism and drug addiction, behind door #1, Pat!)
I just HATE the pain that my family is feeling. I have been there. I have hurt like that, and it is terrible.
These cycles of trauma
suck. I was injured deeply by someone's addiction, and it, ironically, hurt me enough to lead me back to the same set of behaviors that inflicted the original damage!!! Argh!!!
I just want it to end with me. I do not want to make the same set of choices as my addicted loved one. Thankfully, I am not a subconscious machine. I know better now, and I have the ability to choose differently.
On a positive note, we talked, and my husband told me that he loved me and gave me a hug. He's miserable with fear for the future, and I'm the last person that should be offering him guarantees, so some stuff is going to suck for a while. Maybe a long while. But I know my own heart and my own motives, and I know that I am resilient!!! I love my spouse, and I am grateful for him every day. He is a gift, and I will treat him as such.
As much as this setback hurts, I believe that my HP wouldn't allow me to break, unless he intended to set me properly. I was in need of some re-direction.
Prayer for today: Thank you for the mistakes that save me from greater pain. Help me to see humbling setbacks as the proper solution to push my harmful ego back in place. Your design is for my success, and You will intervene for my benefit. You delight when I walk down the right path.
I appreciate everyone who reads and responds to me here. It is so healing for me to write out feelings and be welcomed by others who understand and can contribute to my own understanding.