Originally Posted by
TheWayBack 
Thanks. I'm trying to hang in there. It's a constant up and down now. Last night I was pretty positive. This morning, I told my wife I just want to start drinking again so I can just get it over with because I cannot possibly take months more of this.
One thing that really worries me is my age. I'm 62. I have always felt and looked young for my age, even when I was drinking. But when I quit drinking and after a couple of months, the bad anxiety hit me, it was so debilitating that I thought I was dying, losing my mind and after a month of that, I felt like I aged 20 years all at once. Then it got better after I got medical attention, cleaned up my diet, and started regular exercise. But some days I think I just waited too long, if only I would have quit earlier, and the damage from alcohol is going to kill me anyway because I can't make a full recovery at my age.
I'm 50 and I think the same thing. Every 40 year old in recovery that I know says basically the same thing. My point is, I don't think the feeling of "I just waited too long" is unique to anyone, we all feel it. I think most of that is guilt over not doing it sooner. This is the part where giving yourself a break and some TLC is a much better recipe than giving up. We know what giving up does. It kills us. I also know what it feels like to feel old and tired. We keep doing this, because this life of sobriety is the easier way.
For me, suffering with the shame and guilt over a life less lived because I was afraid of sticking it out and living in the bottom of a bottle was unacceptable. It has to remain that way.
Also, a little food for thought...Dr. Bob, the co-founder of AA was almost 57 when he and Bill Wilson started Alcoholics Anonymous. One of my first sponsors from AA was 68 when he got sober and is STILL sober to this day. He just celebrated his 97th birthday. We fell out of touch for a lot of my drinking career but we reconnected this year when I went to a local meeting and he was a speaker. He just celebrated 29 years of sobriety.
You, my friend could be at the beginning of chapter 2.. not the end. You gotta hang in there to find out.
