When I'm around the alcoholic (mother) I have a creepy, kind of uneasy, gross, give me the willies kind of feeling. I feel very uncomfortable around her and feel so weird when we hug. I always am on a downer after a conversation with her. I can only spend so much time with her before I begin to go nuts. I now know that I will need to do something to brighten my mood (walk, crafts, listen to up beat music) after I am with her or the darkness stays with me for a while. I guess it's more emotional more than physical, although I know I've had a few major headaches after talking to her. I'll never forget what it felt like once I moved out of her house. I realized that life didn't have to always be depressing or angry or just plain bad. I realized that it was ok to be happy and enjoy life (although I did feel guilty about that at first).
But I will say that getting to know others who feel the same has helped me to not feel so guilty about it. I am so glad to find a place where I can be honest about how I feel without getting blasted.