My ex-husband used to know when I was on the phone w/ my alcoholic family based on how long it took me to get to the bathroom after I hung up (vomiting and other stuff). A few times I even got sick during the phone calls. I can't think of what helped me other than distance and time (mostly distance). I had to not call them other than holidays and I never saw them. My mom has since died, but I still stay away from other family members that are sick. I came to the conclusion that no one but me would take care of me, and I had a choice as to whether or not I wanted to deal with it since I'm an adult. It was hard, but I really enjoyed not getting ill anymore.