Originally Posted by
FiveTries 
I had this therapist tell me years ago that intellectualizing my life was my defense mechanism. It really blew me away it made so much sense. I operate my life with some idea that if I can figure things out and understand them, I can solve the problem. It's worked really well for me in certain areas, but seems mostly useless here.
So there's all these feelings and emotions. They are building up on me. Most of my life I just dismissed them. I mean... where do you start in trying to figure that out? I guess that I had hoped to avoid those problems. Obviously that's not gonna happen either way.
I probably stopped writing here as much because I haven't read this thread in a while. Seriously, how long can I keep overanalyzing and whining about the same old stuff. There is a good therapeutic effect though. Maybe someone can relate.
uhhh, Hellz Yeah.
Relater right here.
I had a counselor tell me that intellectualization was a means of deflection while I was in rehab. By that time, I'd known that for years. Just like everything else that I had "knowledge" about, it didn't help me to know that. And so it had become part of my therapeutic shtick - "People say I over-intellectualize..." This b-person took out a medical dictionary to
read me the definition of intellectualization! To say the least, I got a little bit hot over that; there's nothing like someone telling you a thing you already know. Like it's a new fact and if you just listen to the definition again,
then you'll get it. What I should've said was, "I hear you - now what do I
do about that?!?"
Where do you start to try to figure that out? Hell, I don't know. For me, it started with recognizing that I actually was
feeling something. That there were actual physical sensations that acccompanied my thinking; things like headache, chest pain, upset stomach, clenched jaw, shakiness. I'm not sure how it works for other people, but once I paid attention to the physical sensations, I was somehow closer to the emotions. And that opened the door for me to examine what was really going on. Accepting/acknowleding the feelings rather than powering through them - that helped. Therapy helped me with all of that, reading helped, meditation helped, talking to people who understood helped. I'm saying that all in past tense, but I need to turn that back to current tense. This 'recovery' stuff is what some therapeutic folks would call working toward self-actualization. It really is work; and it really is worth it.
What did you do this weekend?
xo
O