for me alcoholic thinking is so many things. it's the paranoia and self-consciousnous that i felt around strangers and people i knew. the feeling that people were staring at me and thinking terrible things about me. it's also the "all or nothing" attitude i had. if i couldn't do something PERFECTLY, i wouldn't do it at all. it was the feeling that something terrible was going to happen. i didn't know WHAT was going to happen but i knew it would be awful and i just HAD to drink because i couldn't handle it. whatever "it" happened to be. it was the feeling that everyone is in on some big secret and no one's telling me what it is. alcoholic thinking for me was always waiting for the "other shoe to drop." anything that was even remotely good in my life, my head managed to turn into some omen of calamaties to come. it was always depending on something or someone "outside" of me to validate i was worth anything. just like the co-dep. nutz talked about. better words to explain are in my head but they're not reaching to my fingertips. really good question by the way.
hope i didn't confuse you,
ladybug little