Good mornin' Rose!
First a hug. (((( Rose! ))))
Know what? It's okay. Those compromises are yours to make. If life with him looks better than life without him, it's your call. I do (as usual) have a couple of thoughts.
The boundary thing confused the life out of me. Like you, I would make big old statements about the way things had to be, then couldn't bring myself to follow through on the "or else". That made me feel like a failure. I think boundaries have to be realistic in terms of what we are really willing to do. And they have to be rules for us, not them. When I said "Read the AA handbook or never darken my door again." I thought I meant it. First of all... unless I gave pop quizzes, how would I ever know? Secondly... it was baloney. He knew it even if I didn't. So I had to move to smaller more reasonable boundaries. Here's a silly one.
The cracker boundary. I bought the danged crackers. There was never any contribution to the cracker budget from Dino (nor to any budget... but I'm being silly now). Now, there's the kind of crackers he likes... which are expensive and to me taste like salted cardboard. Then there are the compromise crackers that neither of us like very much. I finally decided that if I'm going to bring home the crackers, they're going to be the one's I like. Not the one's he likes and not a compromise. If he wanted something else, he could buy it. What? No money? Why? No job? Awwwwww.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was the way I had to start to get the hang of the boundary making thing and to move on to more meaningful ones. It was the way I made myself see that there were a host of little sacrifices I was making for no good reason at all. And getting rid of the little irritations gives you more energy to deal with bigger issues.
If someone can say "The dry way or the highway!" and mean it, and act on it... more power to 'em. But saying it and not following through just reinforces the notion that you make a good doormat. And it made me feel like a wimp for not living up to what was not in my heart to do. If you're not ready for the big drop kick... that's okay. You might be someday, but until you are it's possible to go for smaller goals, and to feel victorious. Even if it's just about crackers.
More hugs,
Smoke