Hello, Tacomas!
I’m so glad that you’re here, and so sorry for the situation that brings you.
You aren’t crazy or over-reacting.
Alcoholism can begin and remain functional for a very long time. But eventually the disease progresses. Sometimes very dramatically.
Your husband sounds a great deal like my ex. He was successful and physically fit. He was bright, curious, ambitious, and funny. He was well-read and well-paid and well-loved.
Yet in his early thirties my ex’s occasional, fun-fillled drinking developed into a chronic and terrible substance use disorder. Work, exercise, and social engagements continued for a while. His friends and co-workers were the last to know.
But I saw the whole, slow-motion car wreck. Until I decided it was better for me to look/walk away.
In my case, my mental health improved as I pursed my own recovery. My ex husband died alone, surrounded by empty bottles, due to alcohol-induced diabetic ketoacidosis at the age of 42. At that point he was jobless, homeless, divorced, and entirely despondent.
Addiction is misery if left untreated.
Save yourself.
Much love,
TC