Originally Posted by
Free2bme888 
Hi and welcome.
Being on both sides of the fence, yes, it gets worse, no we aren’t supposed to drink poison, and his addiction is choosing booze over you. It won’t change unless he wants to, and he clearly believes his life is working for him.
if you want children, do you want them with an active alcoholic ?
We aren’t well active in our addiction, we are selfish and have an immediate reward goal at ALL costs.
People who are addicted don’t drink less on the timeline.
Non addicts don’t pick drugs over the love of their life.
Addicts can only recover with complete abstinence when and IF, THEY want to. No sooner .
hugs
Thank you for the kind words and honesty. Yes, the topic of children is probably one of the most concerning. When I think about the additional stressors, lack of sleep, and many responsibilities that come with bringing a new family member - I worry that his 'guarantee' that he would not drink this way when kids are around is not something he'd even be able to control, no matter how well-intentioned. I'm not willing to take that risk when it comes to pregnancy and children.
When I told him my concerns about his habits and how that would affect parenting, he switched over to thinking weed was the lesser of the evils. He wanted to know things like: would you be upset if a kid walked in or saw me smoking weed one day unexpectedly? If we had a party with other adult friends and kids weren't at the house, would you be willing to make weed brownies or is that something you'd be opposed to?
What odd questions to decide whether or not you'd want to have children with your spouse? A therapist told me that shows how highly he puts this as a must-have priority in his life, and when I expressed that to him, he said that was ridiculous...
I guess I'm answering my own questions here, but just thinking out loud. Thanks again for your support.