Thanks, Mizz. I agree with what you say and really appreciate your support.
Kaily, I'm sorry that happened to you. All of it. I'm not sure how to 'resolve' that old stuff that still wants to haunt us, but maybe we can work on figuring it out together. Therapy didn't reopen the wounds; it 'only' cracked open the tightly sealed box containing those wounds. We didn't touch anything regarding childhood during the triggery session, but it was hovering right there over our heads. Because I'd given my permission, even requested, to discuss 'the trauma' now. In the aftermath, a friend suggested that I take a look at Alice Miller's writing. I've just started on her book, "For Your Own Good." I'm not even beyond the preface yet and have already made good use of my highlighter. The way she talks about the perpetuation of abuse makes a lot of sense to me - at least so far. Have you read it?
Thanks, silentrun. You are probably just as INFP as I am.
I just learned that giving the backstory before delivering my conclusion is pretty obnoxious for most. People have tried to tell me about this in any number of ways, but I never took it in. (In part because people don't say what they mean - you know? They hide messages in accusations. "You think too much," "You are using intellectualization as avoidance," "You think you're better than everyone else." "You always have an excuse.") I was really vested in the idea that if "you" understood where I was coming from, you would understand how I got to where I am. Now I know that it's probably better for (most) people if I state the conclusion first, then back up to clarify if the listener requests more information. Feels less efficient to me, but ok, I can do that. Or at least try to remember to do that.
Meeting with Daniel Tiger today via videoconference. I will remain in my pj's for the day (and perhaps beyond) as a cue to myself to stay right here in my safe booze-free environment afterward. Though I don't feel the slightest risk of drinking, we all know that my conscious mind isn't necessarily a defense. Most of the time it is, but I'm not betting on rationality today. My subconscious doesn't seem to give a flying fig about 'rational.'