My husband's career was the last to be affected by alcoholism. He smart, well-educated, charming, attractive and well-respected in our community. We've been married for 20 years, and I knew it was a problem early on. I began to attend Al-Anon, and started to take care of myself before we had children. A couple of excellent books I would recommend to you are "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and a book called "Boundaries"...don't have authors names, but it helped me greatly.