Originally Posted by
zjw 
congrats bulldog!!! it sounds like you've had to face some fun obstacles on your sober journey whats your 2 cents to others that face obstacles. I ask casuse for me i got sober and life was slowly getting better but now i've faced obstacles and lifes taken a dive.
for me I havent picked back up despite feeling as if maybe i have good reason because of bad stuff that happened because at the end of the day I think as bad as this is I cant go back to that nonsense sigh so I just keep going forward.
Hey Zjw, sorry it took a few days to write back, i'm not here as much as I used to be but i'm going to try to stop by every night.
Honestly, the answer for me is very simple. I can't . I do have good reason to pick back up. Hell, I've lost both parents and like a dozen friends and have found out about some concerning health stuff I have to keep a close eye on. To me- that was enough. Losing my mom was enough. But...It never changes the truth. I can't.
No matter how much I want to-which I really don't-I don't miss it at all-I just can't do it because it means I'll die. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you all that I don't have another recovery in me. That I won't survive another relapse. I won't. There's no nobility or inspiration about my fight to stay sober. It's purely a matter of survival.
Maybe that makes it easier for me because I know I can't ever go back. Most of you people can-and I was no different. It was also why I could never stay sober. I always -in the back of my mind, had a "F it switch in case I got the reason. My reason to self destruct and go all crazy train.
So as cheesy as this sounds, I had to have a reason or 2 or 5 that made me love something more than myself. That's my family. I refuse to ever put them through the pain I had once before. Here again-It's purely a matter of survival. I hope that helps you in some way. Hang in there. One of the few truths about life is it's forever changing-so it can always get better.
