Hi Effie,
I have to say that whther we label the "Alcoholics" or not, the stone cold truth is that his drinking is a problem for YOU. You have already expressed how you worry about him, and how you are emotionally effected; you have also come searching for help... all of this is certainly reason enough to begin your OWN recovery process. Have you ever been to an Alanon meeting? They are really nothing to be scared or ashamed of... it is a group of people with similar stories to share - you'd be amazed at how well you'll fit in if you give it a chance
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With my speech out of the way
... I will try to answer your question as best as I can; and I can only tell you what little I know :p , especially since I have never met you ar your husband. It sounds like your husbands drinking has definatly had a progression to it, or perhaps it has just become more of an "issue"; from the few beers here and there, to a drink or more every day, to beer and hard liquor etc. Alcoholism has a definate "progression"... and often it has to get very extreme before it gets better. It sounds like he is also hiding the amount he consumes? Only if we are ashamed of our behavior do we have to hide it from others... Alcoholism is a shame-based disease. And of course, HE knows how much is too much... He probably has begun to feel that it is a problem as well, or he wouldn't be hiding. The thing that was a clue for me (my husband is an alcoholic / crack addict), is that there began to be no real enjoyment in the drinking / using... It was obvious to me that he was using because he HAD to; his body craved it.
I wanted to be of help to you, but I didn't want to make you sad... so now for the GOOD news! YOU are not responsible for him... you don't have to DO anything for him, to help, to hinder - nothing! The gift in finding a path of recovery for you, is that you'll discover a peaceful happy life even if he is still using! We are already equipped with the tools to take care of ourselves... and STOP taking care of them.
My thoughts are with you, because I KNOW exactly what you are feeling. I was right there in your shoes no more than 2 years ago.
Keep coming back here... and I am sure others will be along to help you more than I can.
With hugs,
Meg