Step 9
"We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
This step should not be avoided. If we do, we are reserving a place in our Program for relapse. Pride, fear and procrastination often seem an impossible barrier; they stand in the way of progress and growth. The important thing is to take action and be ready to accept the reactions of those persons we have harmed. We make amends to the best of our ability.
Timing is an essential part of this step. We should make amends when the first opportunity presents itself, except when to do so will cause more harm. Sometimes we cannot actually make the amends; it is neither possible nor practical. In some cases, amends may be beyond our means. We have found that willingness can serve in the place of action where we are unable to contact the person we have harmed. However, we should never fail to contact anyone because of embarrassment, fear or procrastination.
We want to be free of our guilt, but we don't wish to do so at the expense of anyone else. We might run the risk of involving a third person or some companion from our using days who does not wish to be exposed. We do not have the right or the need to endanger another person. It is often necessary to take guidance from others in these matters.
We recommend turning our legal problems over to lawyers and our financial or medical problems to professionals. Part of learning how to live is not to take on problems and responsibilities that we are not equipped to deal with.
In some old relationships, an unresolved conflict may still exist. We do our part to resolve old conflicts by making our amends. We want to step away from further antagonisms and ongoing resentments. In many instances we can only go to the person and humbly ask for understanding of past wrongs. Sometimes this will be a joyous occasion when some old friend or relative proves very willing to let go of their bitterness. To go to someone who is hurting from the burn of our misdeeds can be dangerous. Indirect amends may be necessary where direct ones would be unsafe or endanger other people. We can only make our amends to the best of our ability. We try to remember that when we make amends, we are doing it for ourselves. Instead of feeling guilty and remorseful, we feel relieved about our past.
We accept that it was our actions that caused our negative attitude. Step Nine helps us with our guilt and others with their anger. Sometimes, the only amend we can make is to stay clean ourselves. We owe it to ourselves and loved ones. We are no longer making a mess in society as a result of our using. The only way we can make amends to some of the people we have harmed is to contribute to society. Now, we are helping ourselves and other addicts achieve cleanliness. This is a tremendous amend to the whole community.
In the process of our recovery we were restored to sanity and part of sanity is effectively relating to others. We less often view people as a threat to our security. Real security will replace the physical ache and mental confusion we have experienced in the past. We approach those we have harmed with humility and patience. Many of our sincere well-wishers would be reluctant to accept our recovery as real. We must remember the pain they have known. In time many miracles will occur. Many of us that were separated from our families succeed in establishing relationships with them. Eventually it becomes easier for them to accept the change in us. Clean time speaks for itself. Patience is an important part of our recovery. The unconditional love we experience will rejuvenate our will to live, and each positive move on our part will be matched by an unexpected opportunity. A lot of courage and faith goes into making an amend, and a lot of spiritual growth results.
We are achieving freedom from the wreckage of our past. We will want to keep our "house in order" by practicing a continuous personal inventory in Step Ten.