Not sure I really want to be sober forever
Okay I did my second admends and I felt relieved. The thing I've been thinking is I'm not sure I want to be sober forever. My minds telling me I go back to it it will be fun again because I've taken 6 months off and it will be different this time. I know I won't control it I never could. I know this is a lie but still want to do it. Funny thing is he first 3 months I had no cravings not one. But over time they have gotten worse. My sponsor response Is finish those admends. Lately I've been missing using and drinking. Reality is boring and depressing. At the same time I want to be sober because drinking in reality isn't fun anymore. Sometimes I don't know the truth sometimes I just need to check out for A few hours. I want to escape I miss what I used to get from using and drinking. I loved it so much Mabey I'm grieving this lose it was my best friend, favorite hobby,the love of my life all rolled up it one.
David