I am not a romantic, and because of that have probably missed out on some things in life.
But as pragmatic as I am, I could not divorce Mr. Big. For me, losing the marriage was a big neon sign that flashed "FAILURE! FAILURE! FAILURE!". I was determined to stay with him ....at ALL costs. And it cost me more than I ever imagined.
Some of the "values" I have around marriage are not rational and through the insight I've gained from Alanon, I can say that some of these came to me from growing up in the chaos of alcoholism. That insight is helping me determine a good way to live the rest of my life.... without the label of success or failure.
The feelings I felt when Mr. Big and I divorced was an overwhelming sense of grief. I didn't recognize it then, or know why it was so strong when any reasonable person would have seen our divorce as a positive for all concerned. Alanon has helped me understand why I have such a fear of failure and put those feelings into perspective.