Originally Posted by
CaughtInChaos 
Does it make a difference that he uses pills because of pain? They were prescribed originally and then he slowly became addicted. He calls it dependency. The therapist seems to think that is okay, but his group therapist in the last rehab said I should be ready to leave him if he falls off the wagon again. i am so confused, as he is making me feel guilty like this lack of intimacy is all my fault. Not recognizing that he gives me almost no affection. And the addiction and moods swings, job jumping have taken a toll on me. I am feeling really weak right now. he told me it is over and he resents me for neglecting the sex and i feel just devastated. Does anyone have a pep talk for me . Im sorry i am feeling lost currently.
I was lost for years, just like you. And just like you, I had a AH that drank and abused prescription meds for pain from a failed surgery. Docs told me that what he was doing was just a vicious circle - the pills were no longer helping, so he took more and drank more. I should say, he was an alcoholic before the pills and they just made him so much worse. He stopped working, paying bills or interacting with me and the children. He didn't even know who we were sometimes and there were really scary episodes where we had to leave the house or barricade ourselves in a room, unspeakable things. He would not seek any help, even when admitting he was an alcoholic. So I found the strength to say "no more, I don't want to live with you." He packed his stuff when we were out of the house and like the coward he was, left without a word to me or the children. I waited a year for some sign of recovery - there was none, so I divorced him, met a wonderful man and remarried. XAH died a year later from pill/alcohol overdose. And I say, Good Riddance.
So here's the pep talk: get out while you can. Dig deep and summon the strength to do what is best for you and your family. It will most likely be difficult, but you will gain self respect and peace eventually. Go to Alanon meetings and learn all you can about codependency and addiction and what it does to families. I'm not saying divorce, but separation. In time, with some space and boundaries, you will know what to do.
I wish you peace.