Hi Caught. Well this certainly sounds like a horrible situation. I am glad though that you are starting to get some clarity about it all. Yes, it will be hard to leave, but I think you know deep down, perhaps, that is the only solution.
He was lying about the intimacy and now you have called that bluff. He's just treading water here, hoping to keep things "as is" while you carry the weight.
It's sad, but the only way you are going to be able to clear the F.O.G. (fear, obligation, guilt) is to take time alone, whether that is him leaving or you leaving. Yes, perhaps you have some good times, but is that a good enough trade off for all the horrible times? He's not getting help, he's not quitting, it was pills now alcohol, that helps you not at all (nor him, but that's his battle/side of the street).
I would recommend you also might like to read the threads (and post too of course if you like) in the Friends and Family of alcoholics forum - I think you will relate to a lot there:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Addiction is a very selfish pursuit, the drugs/drinking come first, everything else (including you) is very much secondary, so his behaviour isn't really surprising, unfortunately.