It really is awful.
There are times where I want to put myself out of misery, but I will never do that. I keep resisting the urge to message her, no matter how hard it gets.
I keep telling myself that she will eventually realize she messed up, and it will eat her alive for how she treated me. I know that day is far away, and might never come at all no matter if she gets far in her recovery.
The saddest part is that besides me telling her about those awful moments she put me through in her drunken rampages, she probably has no memory of the hurt and danger she put me in. That, or the amount of things I did to keep her safe when she passed out, puked all over place, or almost got arrested.
I've never felt so unappreciated in my life, and I've done more for her than anyone else. Life can very cruel sometimes.