I think I always held out hope for us when she got sober, we could be happy because the root of all of our problems was the addiction. Bi polar or not, I always gave her the benefit of doubt in thinking that the problem was the addiction but in reality it seems like it's who she is as a person. She has burned every bridge whether it's friendships, past relationships (even though her past relationships were with similar addicts), or family. Her mom and I are left feeling like we enabled her to take advantage of us, and it wasn't until this happened that I believed that. I did always have her best intentions at heart and put myself and my problems 2nd.
I wish I could answer why I was holding on so tight. I think it was the hope of who she could potentially be and I know based on reading similar stories on here, that is something you shouldn't do. You should pay attention more to the now, not the potential of someone.
I gave so much only to be burned in the long run. I know I should be concentrating on myself right now and let her lay in the bed she made.
As much as I want to be vengeful, it's hard for me to be that way because of my big heart and still hoping she realized she messed up the best thing that has happened to her. She's about to turn 30, and I know she's not doing the right thing by moving on to someone who will definitely be a bad influence on her. She's there for the wrong reasons and not doing the right thing by concentrating on herself. It's just really hard to grasp where her mind is at. She even goes as far as saying she didn't want to hurt me and cared about me as a person. If she really did feel that way, none of this wouldn't went down like this. I blamed the addiction for the longest time, and now I realize that I was making excuses for her. Sure she made horrible decisions while using substances, but she had a clear mind in doing this so I know that it's her as a person.
I had high hopes that this would be the help she needed, but now I believe more than ever that she's going to relapse. By the small chance that she does get sober and stay sober, I don't think I will be able to stomach someone else getting the chance to live a sober life with her when I worked so hard for that. I'll forever be vengeful. But I do know that the chances are very slim because two addicts can't fix eachother. Two wrongs don't make a right.