Hi LK,That little thought that goes through your mind of trying to figure out what went wrong? Should be answered “he valued drinking first above everything and everybody”. You did everything to try and point this out. The alcoholic never want to blame the thing that brings them happiness. So it has to be those around them.
You are correct that alcohol was his spouse and you became the innocent bystander that got in his way of being happy. You had two choices: live with the alcohol and be miserable and always the mistress or take back your life and put yourself first. I’m glad you found the strength to take back your life. With each passing day, those thoughts of what went wrong will fade away.
Keep being strong and getting strength from things that bring you joy. Have a beautiful day.