O,
i had those spells of times where i’d be disappointed, or pissed off, or resentful, angry, frustrated, devastated or all of those and more, and fed up fed up fed up that i wasn’t where i thought i “should” be by now, whatever the “ now was or is.
those expectations what sobriety would look like at any given moment.
there is not much point to it, really.
sobriety looks like whatever it is at any given moment.
it just so happens that today is my 15th anniversary of this sobriety thing, so i have been retrospecting the last few days, including reading a whole bunch of very old posts on my old lifering forum.
so if i were to make the distinction between abstinence and sobriety, i’d say that my abstinence has been totally steady all these years, but my sobriety, or me in my sobriety, has been ebb and flow, but the general trend is more and more even-keeled.
i didn’t, for example, expect to go into months of depressive misery around four to five years.
my sobriety is indistinguishable from my “life”, really.
i don’t know how to answer your question, really.
but i can tell you if it looks like pajama-wearing today, then accept it, be there.
it’s fine.
where are your choices about what you will converse with yourself about for an entire saturday afternoon?