View Single Post
Old 05-01-2003, 08:19 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Stephanie
Member
 
Stephanie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
quote
My point in all of this was to make the statement that there is no reason to feel guilty about not trusting. That trust was stolen in many cases right along with the VCR. Regaining my trust belongs to the thief.



If this was in fact your point then I agree 100%. Here's a little example. A friend of mine's husband cheated on her and she didn't trust him after that. (both recovering alcoholics) She always felt bad if she snooped or felt suspicious of him to the point where she wouldn't even confront him about it. He was kind of annoyed by her constant insecurity about it. Well, hello...welcome to what you've created....yeah, and in my opinion he owes it to her to listen and provide understanding and reassurance.

****This is just my experience and in no way is a reflection of men in general.****

The problem is that if the person is male and alcoholic, unless they are really working a program and being diligent about it, they are never going to admit they're wrong or that they owe you anything. I think they will initially say they are sorry for something as serious as adultry but probably not cut you very much slack after that when we coninue not to trust. My experience has been (and of course it may just be the men I pick) but they usually try to make me feel like I am dragging it out and focusing on the negative or I'm the one causing the problem because I keep focusing on it.

having said that, and of course you all may have a different experience than I do, but I have learned not to have expectations of what someone is suppose to do. In a perfect world it would be nice. I certainly don't feel guilty for not trusting because they have not earned my trust. However, I am focusing my efforts on dealing with whatever feelings come up for me with myself, my program, my sponsor, and you guys.
Stephanie is offline