How to break free with the least mess possible.
Little mess is probably not possible. My heart already hurts but I'm ready to leave. ABF is drunk right now and mad at me I guess. Or just passed out. I said the wrong thing, as one does when not matching the enthusiasm of a ready -to- pass- out person. My insides are just a jumble of squiggles like a kids drawing where they hold the pencil really tight.
But something happened to speed up my realization that the world isn't this effed up sad lonely bubble I made for myself. I joined a community band and am playing corny lovely band songs. And I started watching surfing documentaries and am signing up to try. I'm trying to change enough to shift this situation.
But I'm still scared and confused about the logistics. Do I...stay at my mom's house for a week? That would be rough. Do I rent a weird Airbnb room? Do I stay here until he leaves? It's my house. I know he'll go eventually. (When? Housing is scarce and expensive) I just don't want the drama and I want space. Immediately. It's hard to figure it out. I guess I have to do it in person. Ugh. I know he's just going to walk away as soon as I say anything. As he's done before. But this time I'm not running after. So I need a plan.