It’s been 9 years since I completed this step study. It’s been an emotionally difficult 9 years. Would I do it again knowing then what I know now? No….the price was to high. Do I regret the last 9 years? No…..because my post above is part of my DNA. I could not let her suffer alone.
It took every dime I owned. It took 9 years of my heart crying every night. It took 9 years but she finally quit drinking 4 years ago but she never worked at changing the alcoholic path in her head. She is simply a dry drunk. A lifetime of alcohol abuse took its toll, both physically and mentally on her.
Alcohol won the war in our relationship. It destroyed the love and trust. I have divorced her and my heart is finally at peace. I live each day simply and with gratitude. It’s been a long and hard war. I lost her to alcohol but I now have myself back.
But the last paragraph of the above post is still an obligation I willingly honor. When in the skilled nursing facility, I visit her every day. When she is released, I give her a home, support her, and feed her. In my heart, there is no intent by her. I believe she also lost the war with alcohol. It’s just that she is still alive.
This step was titled: “The start of my journey”. This post is “The end of my journey”.
Yes, I still support her but with the mindset of those wonderful employees at the skilled nursing facility. The provide support and care but they live their own hopes and dreams independent of their charges. I have started my new journey living my hopes and dreams independent of the alcoholic. In my case, she is to far gone mentally and lacks the ability to support herself so she sits quietly in the house. Who knows what goes on in her head but it no longer matters and the divorce put the emotional abuse towards me to an end. This isn’t a global statement; it just happened to be the one that worked for me.
I wish all of you here well and pray each of you find your peace. I think, at the end of the day, that is all any of us want. I now have my peace. I hope the alcoholic who resides in my home when not in the SNF finds hers.