Trust is a big word with lots of categories. It can be confused with control too. I know for myself and my codependency that my expectations at times have been so high that no one could fill them. Therefore I could trust no one. The first step for me was getting my expectations in order. They're still not in order. I know I would still expect way too much in a relationship and that's why I have stayed away from a relationship. Sad, but true. I know that I can't trust yet that my expectations are realistic.
My expectations with my son are pretty good now. They are realistic. Trust is not an issue most of the time because I can trust my expectations now. If I were to send my son money that he says he will pay back then I am giving him my trust. I won't do that so trust is not an issue. We still have a relationship even though I have these boundaries. Boundaries don't end a relationship. They just define it. My son has boundaries with me too. He can't trust yet that I won't be critical of his actions. He doesn't tell me much about his personal life because I have been critical. Do I have the right to be critical. Yes. Does he have the right to drink. Yes. So we both have to establish our boundaries to protect ourselves from each other until we change and the relationship grows to a new level. We also both try to invade each other's boundaries at times.
Just a little thinking out loud.
Hugs,
MG